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Tuesday, 20 July 2010

Positive Advice

Everyone who's ever had a bad patch in their life has probably been given some 'cheer up, it gets better' advice.  With my M.E. a lot of people say the same thing.  (Which, by the way, just makes it worse as it's probably not going to get better.)  And recently I've found myself dishingo out the think positively advice to other sufferers.  I don't mean it as an insult, and I'm very careful with how I phrase my words when it comes to it, as I know how it feels.  And the reality is the last thing you want is someone telling you to think more positively, not everyday will suck.  We already know that, but when we're complaining it's usually because I don't care that tomorrow might be better - right now sucks.  Yet I'm still giving the positive vibes in response to posts simply because I don't want to join in and remind them that yes, my life sucks too.  When you're in a bad mood, everyone else tends to be in the wrong.  So I'd rather say something uplifting and be hated for that than for something depressing.

My problem is, it's relatively easy to say it to someone else, so why can't I give myself the same positive thinking that I'm advising other people to use.  Don't get me wrong, I want to be happier, more positive and learn to deal.  But the reality is that's it's. so. hard.  It's much easier to just wallow and feel crappy than to force myself to believe that there might be light at the end of the tunnel.  Especially as thinking positively can feel like you're using a mammoth amount of energy whereas wallowing doesn't use up half as much.

I don't really have a point with this post other than it's a lot easier to dish it out than to accept it yourself.  But this isn't necessarily hypocrisy (though in some cases of course it is).  Just because I can't feel happy all the time doesn't mean that I don't try at least some of the time.  And whenever I give out positive advice I think hard about what effect it might have on the receiver - as well as what effect it would have on me if someone were to say it to me.

And if anyone believes that life with M.E. doesn't really suck then read this post and perhaps you'll have a chance to rethink!

1 comment:

Tamara Hart Heiner said...

ha ha! What can I say? Hope you don't eat too much ice cream.