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Saturday, 24 July 2010


This morning the only thing I felt like watching was 'Got to Dance'.  It was a repeat (I actually recorded the live shows at the time so have seen them all before).  I love dancing. I love dancers.  Every kind of dance, but mainly ballet and contemporary.  I used to dance.  I used to baton twirl and before that did ballet (though I never did any grades).  I love dancing in night clubs.

But all that is in the past.  The most I can ask for now is to manage 5 minutes on a dance floor and that leaves me with extreme pain so don't undertake it often (the last time was around Christmas).  Watching other people dance upsets me because it reminds me of what I've lost, what I can't have.  Yet I am constantly drawn to it.  In some ways watching is better than nothing.  When I feel really good I spend hours on YouTube watching baton twirlers and cheerleaders pulling stunts I never got the chance to try.  Watching them brings me a little closer but it also makes me realise just how much I hate M.E. and what it is doing to me.   I was never going to be a great dancer.  I didn't really want to be.  I just want to be able to dance and enjoy it and love it.  There is no feeling like it.

So if you don't do something that secretly you would like to try ask yourself why.  If it's any reason other than you physically can't, go out and give it a go.  Enjoy the life you have.  Because it's only when it gets taken away from you that you'll realise just how much you had.  So take advantage of it now and hope that you can continue forever.  But at least you won't regret not doing it.

1 comment:

Ashley said...

This is such good advice, Bethany! I was a dancer, too, and I miss it so much, along with everything else I did for musical theatre. I don't have a disability stopping me, just pursuing other interests and having them take up all my time. My friends and I were talking about getting back into dance for at least an hour a week or so, though. I think I might do it!

I'm so sorry you can't dance anymore. Believe me, I understand the pain that comes with watching something you once loved. I hope that you are able to find another passion to pursue!