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Wednesday, 27 November 2013

My Bubble

Lately I've started to wonder how everyone else in the world lives. I can't help feeling that I am missing out, as so much of my life revolves around what I am reading and watching online. While I am no longer completely trapped by the four walls around me, I am still trapped within my body - and I'm starting to feel that everything in my life is in an artificial bubble. This wouldn't be so bad, after all, living in a bubble gives a certain sense of safety, but knowing it is fake leads me to question what the point of everything is. Most days my main aim is simply to get through the day, and into the next one.

Of course I have a few plans that I try and work on, but as I never seem to quite make enough progress, I feel that I am on a treadmill rather than a road. I am going nowhere. Is this all life is? Is this all my life will ever be?

Friday, 15 November 2013

An Overdue Update

I am aware it's been far too long since I last posted here, but I'm not sorry.  The main reason I haven't been updating is because I've actually been doing things!

A few weeks ago I went to a couple of (very small) shops and tried clothes on - I haven't managed this in over 2 years.

The weekend before last I went to a birthday party. One that involved creating a costume (which I ended up sewing by hand as my electric went out and I'd left it to the last minute - luckily I hadn't planned anything too ambitious), and then talking to people for a few hours.  I sat down during the party, but I made the effort and am pleased I went.

And last week I went to a fireworks display with my bff and her son (who is 2 yrs).  Bonfire night is one that I love due to the memories it evokes of bundling up in the car with my family and standing far too close to a giant bonfire (no doubt it is taped off now due to health and safety).  Admittedly, I do feel guilt for endorsing the tradition of putting a ton of extra poison into our atmosphere, but that can't be helped.  I haven't had a proper Bonfire night in years due to my M.E., and so I was super excited that I finally felt well enough to attend. Unfortunately we ended up having to walk a lot further than I should have due to the taxi not being allowed down the road to the display, but somehow I managed it (we took a chair for me to sit on once there and we used it to rest on our way back to where a taxi could pick us up), so I know for sure I haven't walked that far in literally years.

This week I have mainly been recuperating after doing so much.  But that doesn't dim the fact that I was able to do so much, I honestly have nothing but hope for the next few months, though I am determined not to allow myself to give up on resting as I know that no matter how easy it would be, it would only end in me rebounding.

The other reason this blog post is so late in the coming is because I wanted to include photos. I haven't finished editing them yet which is why I was waiting. Then today I realised that I'm just procrastinating, and surely it is better to post something that isn't complete (ie. without photos) than nothing at all.

Of course, being able to do so much more, leaves me struggling to know where to put my focus, as suddenly I have lots of options that I can actually do, but I can't do all of them if I am to stop myself charging forward and overdoing it.

How do you choose where to put your focus? And any tips on how to remember to take it slow?

I don't mean this post to imply I'm bragging about my health improving, I know there are still many who are struggling at the worst points of their health; nor am I complaining that I still am not able to lead a 'normal' life yet - I simply want to share my experience to share understanding of chronic disabilities.

Sunday, 10 November 2013

Sunday Shout Out: Ruby Gloom

Pic from Amazon UK

One of the things I love about having Netflix is finding completely random and awesome TV shows to watch.  Lately I have been watching a lot of Ruby Gloom. While it is a 'cartoon' aimed at children, it is very unique and appeals to everyone (seriously, someone I know who hates everything for children, will happily sit through episodes of Ruby Gloom).  It's a great way to relax and indulge in an unusual world with some amazing characters.

Do you have Netflix? If so, what have you been watching recently on there?