As you may have gathered, I have not been feeling all that wonderful as of late. I am struggling to keep my stress and worries under control; I am struggling to keep on at life when every moment is so exhausting (just in case you're worried - I'm in no way suicidal).
Anyway, the one thing I've found to help is reading. Obviously I'm a big advocate of reading - it is the reason I write after all, because I love books and words and I'm getting carried away a little here. Well, I've just been reading 'Anybody Out There?' by Marian Keyes and have to say that, despite a rocky beginning, it has re-enthused my love for reading. I had forgotten how great it is to disappear into a story and forget (at least for a little while) all the problems life is throwing at you. For so long I have been reading as if it is a chore, and, while this wasn't the best book I've ever read, it transported me to another time and another life. Not a carefree life, but a life that I didn't have to face alone as I had the characters right there with me.
As a writer I am often told I have to read critically, and analyse everything I read. But it is so easy to forget why we read and write if we do this with every book we come across. Yes, I believe in learning the craft, but I also believe in just enjoying a good book. So that is what I'm doing right now - I'm reading and revelling in the distraction it offers me and the feelings of hope I gain from it.
Why do you love to read? What are you reading right now? Are there any books you've read that you would recommend for a little harmless escapism?
Thursday, 31 March 2011
Wednesday, 30 March 2011
M.E. is...
Often when I tell people that I'm disabled they look at me and say "But you look so well and healthy." This leads me to explaining that M.E. is invisible and while I may appear okay today, it fluctuates so often I am unable to move very much at all, and sometimes can't even get out of bed. And then comes the response, "I know what you mean, I have those days too." This post is to show that no, you don't have those days too (if you suffer from M.E., feel free to skip this post) and that no, you don't understand. I don't mean to sound so callous but it's true. But to help you out I'm going to try and give a few examples of what having M.E. can be like. Please bare in mind that this is just my experience with it and I am relatively well in comparison to many sufferers (I can leave the house some days and I'm typing this).
-M.E. is needed the toilet badly but being unsure if you can physically stand to make it to the bathroom. Every time is a choice of extra excessive pain or doing your business where you lie.
-M.E. is not allowing your partner or friends to hug you because the lightest touch feels like you are being punched.
-M.E. is ordering take-out again (even though you had it the day before and you're broke) because you aren't able to prepare yourself anything.
-M.E. is wanting to write this blog post last week but not being able to as you can't concentrate on what to write for more than a minute or so.
-M.E. is seeing the gorgeous sunny days happening outside but knowing that if you go out and enjoy it you won't be able to do much (if anything) the next day.
-M.E. is wanting to go to the gym every day simply because you know you can't.
-M.E. is putting on weight because you are unable to walk far, let alone do proper exercise.
-M.E. is knowing that the majority of people you tell, think you are either lazy or lying.
-M.E. is jumping every time a car drives past or something is knocked over and causes a noise.
-M.E. is crying every night for the life you know you can't have.
-M.E. is spending every day feeling exhausted but when it comes to bedtime you are unable to fall asleep.
-M.E. is losing friends because you aren't able to go and see them anymore.
-M.E. is knowing that your only social life is online.
-M.E. is knowing that you want a full-time job but will be lucky to cope with a part-time one; unfortunately you are overqualified for all part-time jobs.
-M.E. is catching every illness and disease that comes near you.
-M.E. is feeling like you have the flu every single day for your entire life.
I hope that this has helped you understand the life I live a little bit more and next time someone tells you they have M.E. please don't say you understand (unless you really do). If you have any questions I will be happy to answer them and if you suffer from M.E. feel free to add to the list.
-M.E. is needed the toilet badly but being unsure if you can physically stand to make it to the bathroom. Every time is a choice of extra excessive pain or doing your business where you lie.
-M.E. is not allowing your partner or friends to hug you because the lightest touch feels like you are being punched.
-M.E. is ordering take-out again (even though you had it the day before and you're broke) because you aren't able to prepare yourself anything.
-M.E. is wanting to write this blog post last week but not being able to as you can't concentrate on what to write for more than a minute or so.
-M.E. is seeing the gorgeous sunny days happening outside but knowing that if you go out and enjoy it you won't be able to do much (if anything) the next day.
-M.E. is wanting to go to the gym every day simply because you know you can't.
-M.E. is putting on weight because you are unable to walk far, let alone do proper exercise.
-M.E. is knowing that the majority of people you tell, think you are either lazy or lying.
-M.E. is jumping every time a car drives past or something is knocked over and causes a noise.
-M.E. is crying every night for the life you know you can't have.
-M.E. is spending every day feeling exhausted but when it comes to bedtime you are unable to fall asleep.
-M.E. is losing friends because you aren't able to go and see them anymore.
-M.E. is knowing that your only social life is online.
-M.E. is knowing that you want a full-time job but will be lucky to cope with a part-time one; unfortunately you are overqualified for all part-time jobs.
-M.E. is catching every illness and disease that comes near you.
-M.E. is feeling like you have the flu every single day for your entire life.
I hope that this has helped you understand the life I live a little bit more and next time someone tells you they have M.E. please don't say you understand (unless you really do). If you have any questions I will be happy to answer them and if you suffer from M.E. feel free to add to the list.
Tuesday, 29 March 2011
Impressed or Worried?
Yesterday I was looking at pajamas in La Senza. The only ones that I remotely liked had 'Grumpy but Gorgeous' written across them but I already have ones that say that (they really need to think of a new phrase). Anyway, there was one set that had a panda on the top which was kind of cute though I really don't know what was going on with the sleeves. So that's what I said. And then I noticed the trousers that went with it - red and white stripes - and continued "Besides, I don't want to be 'Where's Wally?'" Now I realise that this isn't exactly correct, but it got a laugh and I realised that I basically quipped a one-liner joke without even thinking. I mean it fit easily into an episode of 'Friends' without anyone batting an eyelid.
So I have to ask myself: Am I naturally funny and have a chance at writing decent comedy? Or do I just watch far too much television and it's starting to seep into me?
Of course I'm hoping it's the first but I have to say I have a sneaking suspicion that it's more to do with being able to quote almost every episode of 'Friends' without thinking. So what do you think? Would you have been impressed if you had heard me, or would you suggest I stay away from my D.V.D. collection for a while?
Sunday, 27 March 2011
Sunday Shout Out
Following on from last week's Shout Out, I give you another blog to get your creative juices flowing. I only found Michael Nobb's Sustainably Creative last week but already I am a complete addict. Not only does he give great advice on how to add more creativity into your life, he is an M.E. sufferer so completely understands the limitations on energy and time someone like me has to deal with. I have spent a lot of time this week reading over the archives and am seriously considering buying his book (of the same name) when I am in a more financially viable place (more on that later).
Thursday, 24 March 2011
Could I Be Carrie Bradshaw?
I am a huge fan of Sex and the City - I enjoy the questions posed and following their sex lives/relationships - but most of all I watch it for the writing scenes. In almost every episode (possibly every episode) there is at least one shot of Carrie typing away on her laptop. I love these scenes. I imagine I could be Carrie Bradshaw, writing articles on sex (or anything at all). I mean, she has a great life: she stays out all night, gets up late (in the episode I just watched she is woken at 11.30 by a phone call from Mr. Big), shops and writes - my perfect lifestyle in a nutshell.
Of course I know that it isn't really like that (though nothing makes me feel more like Carrie than being a student and typing little articles for my blog!) but every time I watch it I get a rush of 'it could be like that'. And that of course makes me want to go off and write and one day have a show made out of my column. But the wanting the money and to be like Carrie Bradshaw isn't the important part. The main reason I watch Sex and the City is because it always makes me want to be a writer. And that includes the writing part. It drives me to actually type out words and consider that one day I could be making a living out of my writing (but only if I put the work in now).
So yes, I know it may seem silly to watch something just because I have the same ambition as one of the characters. There may not be much point to dreaming of a fictional life but it gets me writing (on my laptop no less - though mine is strictly PC, no Macs for me thank you very much) in my real life, right now. And it gives me hope that, while I probably won't ever be Carrie Bradshaw, I may become someone with my own success story.
Are there any characters (fictional or real) who inspire you to follow your dreams and put in the hard work?
Wednesday, 23 March 2011
Counting Sheep
Last night was a typical night for me, and one that didn't involve a lot of sleep for the first few hours of lying in bed. It began simply enough - a few lines of a poem materialised in my mind (I am not a poet, therefore it is my duty to write it down as soon as the muse hits). Is it just me, or do all writers find that the moment they are supposed to be asleep they are inundated with ideas?
So, once I'd written those four lines down (I do actually quite like them and will definitely be working on the full poem soon), I lay back down to try and sleep. After much tossing about, getting up to straighten my sheet, go to the loo etc, I decided to try the well-known idea of counting sheep.
This went well for the first few then I noticed that with each sheep, my visual of the fence changed ever so slightly. Then I started pondering how exactly sheep run (you know, for the run up to the jump) - do they run like pigs (thinking about sheep make me think of 'bah ram you' and babe) or do they gallop like horses (jumping fences = horses)? I still haven't worked out the answer.
At 18 sheep they started doing acrobatics over the fence. Apparently my mind was bored with the simple run up and jump and so the sheep started somersaulting and floating (and one even attempted a back-flip - it didn't work out) over the fence.
And then I started composing this blog post in my head. Seriously, blogging has started to take over my life now. I think about it constantly (do all bloggers have this problem?) as I see it as part of my writing; and as I said earlier, some of my best ideas come at night. I refused to give in and write this post at 1am, instead hoping that I would be able to remember it (and for once, I obviously did).
Eventually I did get to sleep (only to be woken by my housemate coming home at 7am). But, the fact of the matter is, that no matter what I try (and I've tried a lot of sleeping techniques) I still have to go through this every night.
Do you have problems getting to sleep? Anything you've tried that actually works for you?
So, once I'd written those four lines down (I do actually quite like them and will definitely be working on the full poem soon), I lay back down to try and sleep. After much tossing about, getting up to straighten my sheet, go to the loo etc, I decided to try the well-known idea of counting sheep.
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| Click for source |
This went well for the first few then I noticed that with each sheep, my visual of the fence changed ever so slightly. Then I started pondering how exactly sheep run (you know, for the run up to the jump) - do they run like pigs (thinking about sheep make me think of 'bah ram you' and babe) or do they gallop like horses (jumping fences = horses)? I still haven't worked out the answer.
At 18 sheep they started doing acrobatics over the fence. Apparently my mind was bored with the simple run up and jump and so the sheep started somersaulting and floating (and one even attempted a back-flip - it didn't work out) over the fence.
And then I started composing this blog post in my head. Seriously, blogging has started to take over my life now. I think about it constantly (do all bloggers have this problem?) as I see it as part of my writing; and as I said earlier, some of my best ideas come at night. I refused to give in and write this post at 1am, instead hoping that I would be able to remember it (and for once, I obviously did).
Eventually I did get to sleep (only to be woken by my housemate coming home at 7am). But, the fact of the matter is, that no matter what I try (and I've tried a lot of sleeping techniques) I still have to go through this every night.
Do you have problems getting to sleep? Anything you've tried that actually works for you?
Tuesday, 22 March 2011
A Pictured Day
Last week I promised you all pictures of my amazing day, so here they are:
On the way to the train station we were waylaid by a St. Patrick's Day Parade - I'm not entirely sure why, but it seemed to consist of 4 different bagpipe groups (bands?). Is it me or isn't bagpipes the instrument of Scotland?
Anyway, once we made it there, our first stop was Heaven Is A Cupcake. Can you really blame us after seeing this rainbow of cupcakes? And yes, those are cupcake bouquets.
I just had to take a photo of this WH Smith's as it was one of the most orginal ones I've ever seen. And yes, right next to it, was a Whittard's. I absolutely love Whittard's but all my local ones shut down a few years ago when the company seriously down-sized, so you can imagine how happy I was to have found a nice big one for me to spend my money in. Well, they had a Piglet mug displayed in the window so of course I had to buy it (I've been looking in Disney shops for years for a Piglet mug but have always been disappointed) as well as a pack of raspberry teabags - what can I say? I like my fruit teas.
I thought this sign was completely awesome - it tells you the distance in minutes for walkers!
We didn't get to go into the 'Shaken Cow' as it was full of teenagers but next time I plan on having one of their milkshakes as they look incredible.
I bought this cupcake for a friend - I just love the bubble container it comes in. (By the way, the icing is actually red, I was playing about with the settings on my camera and somehow managed to get this shot; now I just have to work out what I did!)
And here are the photos that I know you were waiting for...the cupcakes:
The top box is my boyfriend's; the bottom one is mine and I have to say that they were all amazing. Seriously worth the trip and I will definitely be going back for more as soon as I am able.
On the way to the train station we were waylaid by a St. Patrick's Day Parade - I'm not entirely sure why, but it seemed to consist of 4 different bagpipe groups (bands?). Is it me or isn't bagpipes the instrument of Scotland?
Anyway, once we made it there, our first stop was Heaven Is A Cupcake. Can you really blame us after seeing this rainbow of cupcakes? And yes, those are cupcake bouquets.
I just had to take a photo of this WH Smith's as it was one of the most orginal ones I've ever seen. And yes, right next to it, was a Whittard's. I absolutely love Whittard's but all my local ones shut down a few years ago when the company seriously down-sized, so you can imagine how happy I was to have found a nice big one for me to spend my money in. Well, they had a Piglet mug displayed in the window so of course I had to buy it (I've been looking in Disney shops for years for a Piglet mug but have always been disappointed) as well as a pack of raspberry teabags - what can I say? I like my fruit teas.
I thought this sign was completely awesome - it tells you the distance in minutes for walkers!
We didn't get to go into the 'Shaken Cow' as it was full of teenagers but next time I plan on having one of their milkshakes as they look incredible.
I bought this cupcake for a friend - I just love the bubble container it comes in. (By the way, the icing is actually red, I was playing about with the settings on my camera and somehow managed to get this shot; now I just have to work out what I did!)
And here are the photos that I know you were waiting for...the cupcakes:
The top box is my boyfriend's; the bottom one is mine and I have to say that they were all amazing. Seriously worth the trip and I will definitely be going back for more as soon as I am able.
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