Blogging in my Future

Not a day goes past without me thinking about blogging.  I have been blogging now for a few years and I still love it - in fact, I would say I love it more now than I ever have before.

So why haven't I been posting recently?  Because I don't have the words.  Or the pictures. 

Everyday I think about writing here and almost everyday I struggle to find anything I want to say.  Right now in my life I am in a very introspective place.  I am spending time with my crafts and my thoughts and my feelings.  I am allowing silence to fill me so I may know the direction I am going and if it's where I want to be.  I want to share all of this here, but I feel that sharing too soon will cause a rift.  And so I sit alone, behind my screen, in front of a book, with a pen and paper.  I sit and try to be.  I sit and try to find out anything about myself that can help me.

I want to let you know that I am not abandoning my blogging or projects or ideas.  But I am at living in a state that needs to not have every detail and thought shared with the world.  I don't know when I will be ready to share, if ever.  But I do know that blogging will be a part of my future, as much as it is a part of my present.  Basically - I will return!  I know it can be frustrating for bloggers to post erratically, but that is what I need to do right now.  If you find it difficult to cope with knowing that posts may be a bit here, there and everywhere from me for a while, go and find someone you can depend on to follow.  If not, I hope you will enjoy the odd post that makes it to your screen from me.

Captivated By Books

As you all know, I love to read and so I was very excited when my friend Michelle invited me to be a part of her book blog, Captivated By Books.  I have just posted my first review and from now on will be posting all book reviews there.  I hope you will take a moment to take a peek, leave a comment and possibly subscribe.

Crafting My Way Back To Life

I have missed blogging so much over the past few weeks – believe me, it was completely unintentional to disappear on you for so long.   To begin with I was posting a lot less as I was focusing on moving forward with my ideas and plans.  And then life took a sudden turn and, while not unexpected, it still threw me completely.  Since then I have not felt ready to post (I am still not ready to share all the details with you but the big event was Chris and I breaking up) as I have been struggling just to manage getting through each day.

A fairy door I made for a swap

And then, a couple of days ago, I started to feel more like my old self again.  I spent some time doing some crafts for swaps on swap-bot and remembered just how much I love to create.  They were completely different from anything I’ve ever done before (and included making mail art which I am now in love with) which has made me want to explore my creativity once again.  

Cupcake mail art - front

Cupcake mail art - back

Since then I’ve started reading crafting blogs once again to inspire myself.  I feel ready for a whole new level of creativity now.  Before, I tended to stick to what I knew, I followed step-by-step instructions and I played it safe.  But now I want to explore my creativity, try new things and work on creating my own ideas.  In some areas I am still following step-by-step as I navigate my way through new terrains such as using my sewing machine, just to get myself started with the basics before trying my own thing.

The no-sew doll I made for a swap (tutorial here)

It feels as though I am quite literally crafting my way back to life, as opposed to the existing I have been doing.  The next thing I want to try is altered/decorated matchboxes (if you would like to join me I’ve created a beginner’s swap) as the pictures I have seen of them look truly amazing.

Winner Take 2

As the winner for Tangled Tides never came forward, I used Random.org to redraw and so the winner is Heather Robbins.  Please can you send an email to me at anyawillowfan(at)yahoo(dot)co(dot)uk so I can send your email to Rhemelda Publishing!

My Biggest Regret

I don't have a whole lot of regrets in my life.  A few years ago that would have been a totally different statement, but someone came into my life and made me realise that I can't change the past so it's not worth worrying about.  He was right and since then I have let many things go and honestly  I feel the better for it. 

However, lately I have been regretting something quite strongly.  I can't take it back but I still wish I had done it differently.  Months (and months and months) ago, I started dropping hints here about my secret project, the business I was going to start.  As you all know, it is still in the works (I honestly didn't realise how long it would take me to get from idea to selling the idea).

My plans haven't changed (though they have grown) and I am still working very slowly towards my goals.  But I have found that the pressure I created for myself by telling you has actually worked against me.  I feel kind of stupid for telling the world my plans long before they would come to fruition.  I feel that I am letting you down by not having something to show for the past year of my life.  And at times I have wondered if perhaps I am all talk.

But I have decided that, while I can't change the past, I can change the future.  I can stop using my precious energy worrying about what everyone thinks of me and start reminding myself of how capable I am.  I set myself a challenge.  I didn't realise how big of a challenge it was going to be.  But I am determined not to back down - this is something I want and something I believe I can do. 

I have, however, learnt my lesson - so I will no longer be telling you of things to come that aren't ready.  I don't want to feel that I am not keeping my promise to you by not being able to deliver immediately.  You are so important to me and I thank you so much for following my journey here.

Winner and an Update

Firstly, congratulations to Shanna for winning the Tangled Tides ebook (I rolled a dice on Random.org to find the winner).  Shanna, please send me an email (anyawillowfan at yahoo dot co dot uk) so I can pass your email onto Rhemelda publishers who will send you a copy of the book.

Secondly, I want to let you all know why I haven't been posting regularly for a few weeks.  Basically, the first few weeks I didn't post I was really ill, I couldn't sleep properly and my M.E. flared up to the point that I could only just watch DVDs of my favourite shows.  I wasn't able to come online as my brain just couldn't understand anything I read.

This past week I have been feeling slightly better.  I am beginning to feel like I was before I got ill (so, still almost housebound, but at least I can do a little each day now if I have plenty of rest).  However, instead of posting here, I have been using that energy to work on my new website.  It is nowhere near ready yet, but I am going to be sending you there later this week regardless as I know you would rather be invited early and see the site evolve as I slowly finish it.

I hope you are as well as possible and had a good weekend.

Review and Giveaway: Tangled Tides

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Karen Amanda Hooper's Website
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Tangled Tides is a contemporary book about magic and myth, featuring mermaids, sirens, selkies and gorgons, all in a completely new light.  I have to admit that I was expecting a dark twist on the world of merfolk, but I think the story could be interpreted as dark or as a beautiful fairytale.

The story is told in first person through the eyes of the three main characters.  I actually found this a bit of a problem in enjoying the story as I spent a lot of time trying to work out whose voice I was reading, rather than experiencing the story.  While I think it would have been better told in third person, the positive of reading the different character perspectives made each side’s point of view crystal clear and understandable by the reader.

I found this book difficult to read for the first third as I felt it spent too much time telling me about the mer-world, rather than diving into the story.  However, once I was past this point, the story suddenly became so intriguing that I found myself reading for hours, unwilling to pause as I wanted to know what was going to happen.

I would recommend Tangled Tides to anyone who still believes in fairytales or who enjoy discovering different ways of thinking.  At the core, Tangled Tides is a book about a young girl deciding who she is, which the author shows through the different species involved.

Rhemelda Publishers have generously offered a free ebook for one reader.  All you have to do is leave a comment here and you will be entered into the draw.  Open internationally.  Giveaway closes Monday 23rd April 2012 11:59pm GMT

[Disclaimer: I received a free digital copy of this book in return for an honest review.]