April Round-Up

I know I've been dropping the ball when it comes to my blogging, so I thought I'd pep it up a bit by doing a monthly round-up type post which is what this is. 

POSITIVE STUFF

Blog Posts: 

2 Musing Mondays posts over on my book blog (one on libraries and one on my preferred format for reading books);and A Quarter of 2015

Books Read:

Cinch! by Cyntia Sass; Tomorrow by Graham Swift; Secret Diary of a Demented Housewife by Niamh Greene

Achievements:

Received 5 years service award for Scouting

Raised £119 for Invest in M.E. through birthday donations (you can still donate as I haven't quite met my target yet?

Goals Progress:

       Letters Written: 2
       Meals Cooked: None, but learnt how to use my spiralizer to make courgetti

No. Stitches (cross stitch)

Don't know (didn't come up with the idea til the end of the month so didn't keep track)

HEALTH

Good Days: 17

Bad Days: 10

Really Bad Days: 3

Panic/Anxiety Attacks: 1

RANDOM

Cups of Coffee: 34

Films Watched: Monsters University

Most Watched TV Shows: Stargate SG-1; Gilmore Girls

Interests/Obsessions: Freddie Mercury (and, by extension, Queen)

Did you like this post? Would you like to see it every month? Anything I've missed? Let me know in the comments.

A Quarter of 2015

So over a quarter of the year has gone and I can’t help feeling I have done nothing with that time. I haven’t been meeting my yearly goals; I haven’t been writing blog posts; I am behind on my reading, and so on. However, I have to take into account that it hasn’t been a good start to the year. For reasons I don’t really want to share I was left without carers for a month or so. On the one hand it was a good chance to see what life would be like without them, on the other hand it became increasingly clear it made my life significantly worse. Thankfully that’s been sorted now (and the new care company so far seems much better) and I am beginning to come back from that awful experience which affected my depression as well as my physical health.

I finally feel there is a chance I can start moving forward again. Spring came and it motivated me, but then it seems we have jumped to summer and the heat is only making me more lethargic and unwilling to actually do anything.

There are many days when I feel like I’ve achieved nothing, but I have to remember I usually do some reading, have a shower, talk to the carers, do some cross-stitch, and get myself dressed which is way more than I’ve been able to do continually (every day) for quite some time. And every day I try and motivate myself to get a little something done, whether it be sorting out my flat (as I still haven’t fully unpacked even though I’ve been here 2 years), reading, or writing. It’s hard not to focus on the time ‘wasted’, but I know it’s the future I’m working towards, and though sometimes it feels like I do nothing, I still need plenty of rest to continue improving.

So I have to hope the worst of the year is over and I can start trying to get on with my life again (now I just have to work out where to put my focus as there are so many things I want to do).

How has 2015 been treating you so far? Do you see a difference in your life as the seasons change?

Meat Monday (9th Feb)

It kind of feels wrong to keep calling it 'Meat Mondays' as I now seem to be eating meat pretty much full-time, but not sure what other name to use.

Basically, due to the fact most things are bought in packs, it just didn't make sense to only eat meat on Mondays as it would have been wasteful and more expensive than being able to buy a pack of ham and not have to worry about it going off before my next chance to eat it.

That being said, I am still trying to make Mondays the time I make sure to try something new and different, especially for dinner. This week I had a chicken ready meal, which was surprisingly good. And over the past week I had my first hamburger (which was a bit of a disaster as the one time I'm looking for meat burgers, the store only had one kind and lots of veggie options which I've never seen before), which was not so good, so think I'll have to hold off my opinion til I've tried a few more. I've also eaten quite a bit of chicken. Turns out I like chicken, a lot!

However, since eating meat I have put on substantial weight. I'm hoping it was just the crazy sweet pig-out last week as I got a little excited about having so many choices, but it's something I'm going to have to keep my eye on as I'm actually aiming to lose a little weight, not pile it on.

As usual, if you have any suggestions for things I can try (especially healthy options), please let me know in the commens.

Birthday Presents Please

Somehow February has come around somehow I still feel stuck in November and way behind on any possible ideas I could have had.  But most importantly, it is now only a month to my birthday.

While I do feel birthdays should be celebrated loudly and with plenty of cake and sprinkles, that's not why I'm writing a post about it. Two years ago I asked you to donate to AYME for my birthday and got an incredible response.  This year, I'm hoping I will get at least half the enthusiasm of two years ago.

This year I am raising money for Invest in M.E. (IiME) instead of receiving presents. As it's my 27th, my aim is £270 but honestly, every penny donated means the world to me and will hopefully lead to some of my birthday wishes coming true. Admittedly, I don't expect M.E. to be cured over night; in fact I don't expect there to be a cure in my lifetime, though that won't stop it being my birthday wish each year.

I have chosen IiME because not only does it offer information and support to those with M.E. and their carers, but it also invests in very important research. Unfortunately, M.E. research isn't high on the list for investors, which is why IiME is different from other charities. I know research into the causes of M.E., even being able to diagnose M.E., is a long way off (as I said, I don't expect too many break-throughs in my lifetime), but without this research nothing will change.

M.E. is not fun to live with. It has taken almost everything from me; thankfully not my family and a few friends and I'm so grateful for that as I know not everyone dealing with this disability is so lucky. I am not able to work; or dance. I can rarely go out on a whim, go shopping in more than one or two shops at a time(without a wheelchair); or cook a proper meal. Even the things that keep me sane like reading, writing letters, cross-stitching, I can only do for a short period of time.

Because of this, I want to raise money for a charity that focus on researching M.E. in the hope that in the future no one has to live with this misunderstood and sometimes highly-debilitating disability.

I know my birthday wish is a big one, but unless you can magically disappear M.E. from the world, a few pennies is all I'm asking for in the hopes that one day it will become true. I don't care if you can spare £10, £1 or even just 10p - every donation will be the best present you could possibly give.

To donate, click here, click on the button at the top of this site, or donate by texting TEBD88 to 70070

Thanks for letting me ramble, and p.s. I plan to do this every other year with a different charity each time.

Meat Mondays (26/1/15)

I realise the title and day might confuse some, but as I rarely have energy at the end of the day to form a proper sentence, I decided Meat Mondays doesn't necessarily have to be written and posted on Mondays; after all, if I were to post earlier in the day, I wouldn't have eaten the meat to write about. It will still be called 'Meat Mondays' though, as the actual meat eating happens on the Monday.

So for the past week I have felt a little lost in this world of food that has suddenly opened up for me. It's a lot like getting an expansion pack for the Sims and being faced with too many choices for what to focus on first, ending up avoiding playing anything new at all. To make sure I at least tried to keep eating meat, I went for a simple solution - buying something in a tin.  Turns out this was a terrible idea.

I wasn't feeling great after eating a sausage roll for lunch (though part of that may be due to a food hangover from Sunday), especially as the greasy, oily texture wouldn't leave my mouth no matter what else I put in it. Then in the evening I had what can only be described as the least appetizing bowl of meat in existence. It was, supposedly, beef stew with dumplings. The dumplings were a huge help in managing to eat any, as were the hot rolls I decided to have with it. In general, it was bad. I guess I should have known this; other than soup, I rarely eat meals out of tins as they just aren't the best quality, but I panicked. Having all this choice and not knowing where to turn, I clearly made the worst possible choice. Part of the problem is I don't want to get anything fresh as I'd have to do my shopping on either Sunday or Mondays for that to work, and it's very difficult finding meat for one that can be cooked fairly quickly and simply (many of my carers seem incapable of reading, or listening to, instructions and unless I have the energy to watch or help, I've found the safest option is to go with something that's almost impossible to screw up).

There are ready meals though, and I think this might be where I turn to next. Of course, I don't have a clue what most of the food is, unless there is a vegetarian alternative (such as lasagne or shepherd's pie), as I don't really remember what my mum served up before I was a veggie. Unless someone can give me some hints in the comments, I will likely go for things I sort of recognize, at least until I get a grip on the whole eating meat thing.

On the plus side, it is a weirdly liberating not to have to read the ingredients list on sweets and yoghurts to ensure they're vegetarian. I think it'll be a long time before I remember I don't have to look at the ingredients, but at least I'm not automatically checking for gelatine before considering buying them. This week I had wine gums which were so much better than I remember them, and surprisingly more-ish. That mixed with the gunky feeling of oil and too much food in general, didn't lead to the best experience, but hopefully it can only go uphill from here.

Words and Thoughts on Words and Thoughts

Lately I have started quite a few blog posts but they’ve only been half-thought out. So I come back to work on them, and instead of becoming clearer in my mind, they simply grow and morph into so many different points and thoughts and ideas I have no idea what I originally started out to say, let alone how to go about breaking these ever-growing well-written mind-dumps (I honestly can’t think of a better word to describe these pieces of writing) into individual blog posts. I have an idea yet somehow it gets lost in the next one and the next one, leading me to become confused. And if the writer is confused I have no doubt that unleashing these semi-formed monsters onto the interwebs would possibly detract from everything else out there, let alone actually add to it.

As a blogger I know I want to create meaningful pieces, and thoughtful pieces, and the occasional random observation to share as posts. But as a writer (and being me) I want to explore ideas and concepts and words. So far there shouldn’t be a problem, but once I get started on the exploring my hands run away with it (via typing, as opposed to my fingers running akin to the hand in Addam’s Family) and anything meaningful or thoughtful or observational gets lost in the pathway to wherever I might be heading – it doesn’t help that I haven’t got there yet so can’t even backtrack,  but I have a feeling that if I were to wait, I wouldn’t get there til my last breath which is leaving it a little late to start working out what the heck is/has/will/was go through my mind.

If I continue typing there is a very high chance this will end up just like the other posts I’ve started in the past few weeks, meaning I’ll never get to share it as I’ll be too busy getting lost under the deluge of words. So, just this once, I’m taking a breath and posting without reconsidering or pondering or generally continuing it into infinity, just so you know I haven’t forgotten you, my lovely readers, I’m simply trying to divide the masses of material I’ve suddenly acquired into something remotely understandable.  (If you have any tips on how to do this, I’d love to read them in the comments.)

Meat Mondays

Those who know me, know I’ve been a strict vegetarian for over 15 years. Those who know me really well, however, will know that for the past year I have been toying with the idea of eating meat.

When I was 11 I became vegetarian because I was concerned with how animals were kept, and in particular, killed. After about 10 years it became less about ethical reasons and more because it was part of who I was, my identity.  So seriously considering eating meat again threw me off a bit; I didn’t know what I wanted.

I believe in being true to myself, and the idea of not being a vegetarian felt as if I was turning my back on who I am. Last week I realised that if I want to eat meat then that’s who I am now. I was worried about not being true to myself, but in truth I was simply holding on to the person I used to be. A lot has changed in the last few years, and I guess this is just one more change. I never expected to eat meat again, and it’s taking a lot for me to take this step as I have a lot of pride and I dread to think of the reactions I’ll get, but I’m sure in time whatever happens will simply become the ‘norm’.

As I haven’t eaten any meat or fish (Even though I want to, I’m still not going to eat fish as I disagree with how they’re killed so can’t bring myself to) for so long, I’m going to take it very slow. On the blog-o-sphere there is “Meatless Monday” and so I thought I would do the opposite and have “Meat Monday” and only eat meat on Mondays just to see how it goes.

I have always said if anything was going to tempt it would be a ham sandwich (though in all honesty I can’t remember why) and so today that’s what I was going to have for lunch – the first meat I’ve eaten in 15 years or so. Actually, ham was the very last thing I ate when giving up meat at 2 weeks after eating vegetarian I caved and ate about half a pack of sliced ham in secret. Somehow the ham I bought got lost on the way to the fridge, but as I visited a friend, she kindly made me one. I had to bookend my vegetarianism with ham as I refused to eat anything else first. I also bought some sausage rolls (the shop didn’t have pork pies which is what I actually wanted), some chicken soup for dinner, and some jelly babies.  Even though looking at, considering, and buying meat, all feel completely weird to me, at the same time I know this is the next step in my life – I don’t know whether I’ll hate it or love it, but it’s time for me to make this change, at least for a little while.

So today I’ve eaten a ham sandwich, which tasted good though left a strange oily texture as an aftertaste.  I had some spinach and chicken pizza for dinner, still not sure what I thought of that; and some jelly babies, which honestly were not enjoyable.

Let me know if you want to follow my journey into eating meat, and post every Monday with my thoughts, let me know in the comments. Also I’d love to know if there’s anything you think I’ve been missing out on as a vegetarian.