Time is a strange thing (if indeed it can be classified as a 'thing' - it's more a concept than anything else, but that's not what this post is about). In the last three years I have discovered that the more time I have, the less productive I am. I don't know if this is true for everyone, but it certainly is for me. It seems somehow that it gives me a false perception of how much time I have - if I have a whole month to complete an assignment it is likely that not much of anything was done in the first week or two. I wasn't the worst at time management, I did learn how to get most of it done so I didn't panic towards the deadline (well, I got better at time management by the third year at the very least).
And now I'm finding I have the same problem. I don't feel like I have anything to do everyday. Of course I know that isn't true - there is packing and unpacking, tidying, cooking, applying for jobs, reading, stitching - but I don't feel like I have a purpose I'm working towards.
Okay, I've tried to give myself one (remember there's a super secret I'm keeping from you all) but it doesn't really feel real I guess. It's still just in my mind and while I am slowly working to making it become a reality, until I get it off the ground I don't think it will feel 'real'. It's almost like I'm just making things up in life instead of keeping it to the page.
And that's another thing - the writing. I honestly don't know what's happening with my writing. Part of me wants to write (part of me always wants to write) but the rest of me feels a sense of 'what's the point anyway' so I haven't been doing a whole lot of writing (other than exciting things like my C.V. and cover letters!).
Sorry, this whole post has turned into a sort of ramble. I'm not sure what the point of this was (noticing a pattern here?) but I figured writing it down is probably the best thing to do. And the reason I'm writing it here (in a nice public place) is - I guess- me hoping that someone else has felt this way. It would be good to know I'm not the only one though I don't want a load of sympathy unloaded here. Or, at the very least, someone else will stumble across this post just as they're feeling the same way and it will give them a grain of light (mixed metaphor muchly!)