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Monday, 20 June 2011

Suspended

Since I've been home I've been feeling...lathargic.  And that's on the days that I can get out of bed.  It's hard knowing that whatever I do will come back to bite me in the ass later or the next day.  It's worse because I'm simply wasting my time, opting to use my energy to come online or watch something.  I say wasting even though I know that's not what it really is.  It's me getting back into the swing of things, slowly.  And it's the slowly that's throwing me.  I feel like I should be charging ahead with my plans, catching up on all the time I've lost from being ill.  But the truth is I'm still ill. 

I am not nearly as bad as I was - I can leave the bedroom for more than half an hour now, but neither am I back to the level I was at before.  I can't spend all day planning and crafting and writing, I can barely think of anything to write here right now.  In short, I feel lost, suspended between my optimum and my disability (that isn't quite what I mean but it's the closest I can get right now).  So I am taking each day as it comes and trying not to beat myself up that I'm not able to get anything done.  I know I need to take it slow, it's just convincing myself that it is okay that is the problem.

What do you do to unwind?  How do you avoid the guilt that inevitably comes along with this?

2 comments:

VeeVee said...

After going through a period of being ill especially in hospital where your normal routine is out of whack on top of having an additional illness for time with your M.E. it is hugely exhausting.
Just take your time slowly slowly. Eventually you should pick up little by little. I know you want to probably do everything and get on how you normally do but just take this time as a sort of respite. Take advantage of partner pampering you, watch a movie if you can or listen to gentle music. When you feel tired, just sleep lots. I know with M.E. that a lot of the time however much you sleep doesn't necessarily feel like you have slept however, it gives your body a chance to slowly fight the infection and hopefully you wll start getting back as much as possible to where you were before (if that makes sense). You know where I am... hope none of this was insensitive...
love veevee x x

Tamara Epps said...

Thanks for the advice hun - it's pretty much what I'm trying to do all the time at the moment anyway and no, none of it was insensitive - it's good to know that I'm not the only one and if others can keep being strong through times like this then I draw inspiration from them without feeling too guilty that I don't feel as strong as them.