Culmination

There are a few reasons I haven't blogged so far this week: problems with my internet; problems with my M.E.  But mostly stress as I hand in my final project (a.k.a. my dissertation).  Yes, two days ago I handed in the very final piece of work for my degree.  And as I don't have any exams - I guess that makes me finished.  Okay, so technically I'm still a student until the end of June, but for all intents and purposes, I'm finished.  I have completed the thing that I've spent my last three years leading up to.  I have completed my degree.

And honestly it's left me feeling a bit disorientated and lost.  I have been a student my whole life, and now...now I am not.  I am no longer a student.  Neither am I employed.  I am in that weird space in between.  I don't know what my future will hold and part of me can't wait to find out.  But another part of me wants to stay still, stay where I know what is expected and what I am doing.  So I am compromising - I am not going to stay still.  But nor am I going to rush forward and miss the present.  I am going to take it a day at a time and watch my life unravel.  After all, I still have my writing and crafts and other life stuff to keep me more than busy.

Every day now I have to remember that I'm starting something new; and that while my feelings of fear are completely rational, I will not let them govern me.  But for the next week or so, I am simply going to take a deep breath of relief and try to relax.  I need to let my body and mind recover from the past three years and prepare for the future.  A future I will share within this space - just in case you're interested.