Distracted

About a month ago I got a new phone.  It is only my third phone ever, and is the first smartphone I've owned (yes, I am way behind everyone else, that's just me).

While I love having access to so many apps, I have to say that I've found myself 'multi-tasking' more and more.  Instead of just watching something, I am also playing games. Instead of resting, I am watching YouTube videos.

I know it's on me to learn to limit how I spend my energy, but having all this access is both a blessing and a curse.  On my bad days it doesn't matter if I can get up to turn on my laptop, as I can now go on Twitter and be filled with hope from the #spoonie support there.  But on good days I have to force myself away from the pointless games (candy crush saga comes in top right now), making procrastination even easier.  Even while I'm doing something else, I am still distracted by thinking about what needs to be done on my phone (i.e. whether my little 'pou' pet needs something, or if my tiny tower needs to be stocked)

I guess it's something that I will have to adapt to. I know I need to dial down the usage of my phone, and since realising this I've already made good progress by consciously making the decision not to pick up my phone while a page loads, or during the credits between episodes of whatever I'm watching (just started 'Orange is the new Black').  Over time I'm hoping to continue making time for the important things, it just takes a little practice.  Now that the novelty of having internet on my phone has mostly dialled down, I'm hoping I can start using my phone to aid productivity, rather than procrastination.

What are your favourite apps?  Feel free to share addictive games, as I like having something to do when I am forced to lie down for prolonged periods, but mostly I'm looking for apps to help inspire and motivate myself.

Sunday Shout Out: Orphan Black

AIt's been a long time I have been excited about anything, so I'm glad to have found something worth writing about. I have just discovered the tv show 'Orphan Black', and can safely say that it's incredible. If you're interested in sci fi drama, I have to recommend this show (actually I recommend it to everyone, though please be aware it may not be suitable for younger children).

As I'm writing this using my phone, I'll leave it there. What tv shows have you been loving recently?

A Bad Week

I am just coming out of a particularly bad week.  On Wednesday, while still at my bff's (that's best friend forever if you're not sure), I woke up to find that my body was refusing to move; by the end of the day (consisting of lying on the sofa) I was able to move a bit, but definitely wasn't able to go home as had been the plan.  Thankfully I have a very understanding bff, who was happy for me to stay longer and look after me.

I am glad to say that was the worst day, and since then I've been slowly getting back to being able to do a little.  It did get me thinking of how far I've come, though.  Only a few months ago this wouldn't have been a bad week, it would have been an average week.  I am now usually able to go out twice a week, rather than just the once, and I am beginning to think about adding more back into my life again.  I am also in less pain on most days and more positive.

It is so easy to see how far I have left to go. Of course I am still struggling with both my physical health and my depression. I hate not being able to go out and see friends whenever I want, I hate that I need to carers to wash my hair and help me prepare dinner, I hate not having a job.

But I have improved since moving to my current flat, and I have my fingers crossed that I will keep going in that direction.  I still have a long way to go, but looking back I see how much better I'm doing now than I was 6 months ago - and that gives me hope that one day I will be able to have a 'normalish' life once again.

Ann Summers Party and Cupcakes

Last weekend I went to my first ever Ann Summers party.  And of course, being me, I was in charge of the cupcakes (pictured above).

While I think I'm pretty good with the baking part (totally modest I know), I am not usually that good with decorating cakes.  That is actually the main reason I wanted to do the cupcakes for this party - I knew it would challenge me, but without the worry of what will happen if I fail (after all, cakes that look terrible, still taste just as good).  As you can tell, that was an unfounded worry anyway, and I'm super proud of how they turned out.  It was my first time using roll out icing (bought on Ebay!), and I got on okay with it once I figured out to make sure everything is coated in icing sugar so it doesn't stick.  I am looking forward to using it again, and getting better and better.  As for the ideas, I simply Googles 'ann summers cupcakes' and was rewarded with plenty of inspiration.

As for the actual party, I have to admit I was a little disappointed, though I definitely enjoyed myself and as it was a chance to see other people (even if I only knew the host), it rates pretty high on the list of what I've been up to so far this year.  And of course, having an excuse to bake (and eat what I've made), was certainly a pro-point.  In all, I would go to another if I was invited, but I honestly wouldn't care that much if I don't get to go to one again (and I'm sure my bank balance would probably appreciate it), as, to me, it simply felt like I was simply being shown the catalogue.  Okay, that is possibly a little harsh, as I was grateful for the chance to try on a couple of things before buying - but if I was a regular, healthy person, it would make more sense to go straight to a shop as that's the way to ensure you'll be able to try on the right size.

Have you ever been to an Ann Summers party?  Did you love it/hate it? Let me know in the comments.

Autumn

On Sunday Fall Autumn arrived.  One day it was sunny and hot, the next it was grey and drizzly; and it took me off guard.

Now, everyone knows I don't particularly like the heat, and that Winter is my favourite season.  This year, however, my first reaction to the change in the weather, was disappointment.  I wanted more sun.  I had finally got into the Summer mood, and enjoyed going out a couple of times a week (note: massive improvement from a few months ago).  And suddenly everything changed.  I am not looking forward to going out as it gets colder and wetter (the downside with having a scooter is that pretty much all of me gets soaked and it's not like I can use an umbrella).

I am glad to say that this disappointment didn't last long.  Of course I was hoping for more time before I had to worry about Christmas presents and decorations (I always want handmade but am never organised to do it - and I'm a firm believer that shops and the like shouldn't have anything Christmassy at least until November, so I wasn't impressed when I saw Christmas chocolates available at the grocery store today). On the flip side, a large part of why I hadn't been working on them (or anything else) as planned, was due to the ridiculous heat (like I said, I am not a fan of sweaty temperatures).

So Autumn has arrived.  It means there will soon be vegetables available to make stews and thick soups.  It means getting excited about Christmas (don't judge).  It means shorter days, with long evenings of reading with hot chocolate.  And it means beautiful colours.  All in all, once the shock of how quickly everything changed wore off, I realised that I haven't changed - I still love Winter the best (though admit to dreading being trapped inside if it snows), but can appreciate every season.

*Random note - Anyone else noticed I seem to be over-using Parentheses lately?

I Will Write

This post was inspired by looking at artwork on Pinterest, which is something I've only recently come across as usually I waste my time looking for craft ideas and recipes that I rarely manage to actually make.  It is unedited and the word vomit of how most of my ideas come to me.

The world is filled with incredible imagination.  Often I go looking for inspiration, and spend the next few days filled with wonder and amazement at all that I have found.  Unfortunately this also has the effect of me not doing any work of my own.  Usually I am hopeful to add my own creativity to the world, but then procrastinate instead of doing.  And other times I simply feel that I have nothing to add.  What more could possibly be needed?  I know that is a double-edged question and no answer will ever suffice.

The thing for me is that I believe in my ability to create amazing work.  But I don’t believe in my imagination to give me the fuel to create said amazing work.  I want to join the ranks of journaling and writing and all those things I find so inspiring; I even know how to.  I just find that I never do.

I know I need to stop worrying about it, and simply start doing.  It doesn’t matter how awful my first attempts at art are – no one has to see them after all.  And yet I find I can never start.  And so I procrastinate and look at the wonders of others, never contributing anything myself. 

But occasionally, every now and then, I start to write about it and that is enough for now.  I am writing something and the more I write, the more I continue to write.  I might not be able to add anything visual just yet, but words can be just as powerful, oftentimes much more powerful.  And so I will stop worrying about my inability to add my art to the world, and focus on the art I know I can do, the art that comes naturally to me.  I will write. (Hopefully much better articulated sentences, paragraphs and stories.)

Girl's Brigade: Memories That Have Made Me

So much has happened in my life already, and a lot of those experiences have stayed with me.  They are not all monumentous, nor are they all life changing.  But every single one of them (and the countless more that are buried deep within me) have made me who I am. 
 I hope others will join in with me and post their own memories on their blogs (or in the comments).  I will be posting mine every Friday, but it doesn’t matter when you write yours or if you wish to do them fortnightly or monthly – your writing should fit with your schedule.  If you do join I ask that you link to my blog with this link: http://emptythoughtsrewritten.blogspot.co.uk (until I’ve worked out how to create a button for you to display) and that you will link your POST (not just your blog link please) in the comments each week (until I’ve worked out how to make a linky thing for you to add your links to – I’m really not very tech-savvy!).

My Girl's Brigade in uniform

I have surprisingly few memories of my time as a member of the Girl’s Brigade, considering that I went every week for years.  Perhaps it’s because so much of it blends together that I can no longer pick it apart, because if I really concentrate I can remember snapshot images of many different things.

I remember the annual ‘camping’ trips where we actually stayed inside a Church, had chores, and always visited Pleasurewood Hills.  I remember the uniforms, and learning to march and having 20p to spend at the ‘tuck shop’ (penny sweets, Freddo bars etc).  Girl’s Brigade is where I learnt to crack eggs; tie ties and line dancing.  I am sure there are many more memories bouncing around inside my mind but there are only 2 that really stick out.

The first is actually the first night I went to Girl’s Brigade (at least in my mind it is, though that might not be true). They were making papier-mâché animal puppets using balloons.  I got the long, squiggly one to become a snake.  The reason it really sticks is because I am not one of those people who are happy to get messy (which is one reason I don’t usually like doing baking that involves using my hands), but one of the leaders clearly was.  She tut-tutted at my slow attempt of brushing the glue on the newspaper and promptly took it out of my hands and dunked it in the glue and insisted I follow suit.  As I was quiet and shy at that time (yes, I really was quiet and shy for most of my childhood and teen years), I didn’t dare argue with her, especially as it was my first night, and so tentatively followed suit until I was left alone.  Now whenever I think about papier-mâché that is what comes to mind.

The second is a sleepover. It wasn’t just our troop that went (in fact, I don’t think many of our troop did) so it was a chance to meet lots of other girls.  I don’t actually remember any of the details of the two days I was there, except singing the ‘Witch Doctor’ song (I have no idea which version I know as looking on Wikipedia tells me it’s been about since 1958, but it was popular at the time) with everyone in my room.  The thing is, I didn’t actually know the song – I wasn’t caught up on anything popular and didn’t listen to the radio much so it was completely new to me.  And so every single time I hear the song or, more often, get it stuck in my head, it takes me back to that room of strangers and feeling accepted despite not having a clue what they were going on about.

Even without being able to pick apart every memory of my life in the Girl’s Brigade, it was an important part of my life – anything that took up that much time has no other choice but to be I guess.  I don’t remember what it was like, or why I went every week; but when I think about all the (many, many) things I was a part of in my childhood, Girl’s Brigade will always be one of the first I think of.

At Pleasurewood Hills