tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-27322023184897952532024-03-05T14:35:57.887-08:00Tamara EppsEmpty Thoughts, Rewritten ~ a personal blogUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger505125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2732202318489795253.post-27466968373555031232016-05-29T08:47:00.000-07:002016-05-29T08:54:20.966-07:00A Library Theatre Performance<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14px;">You know how much I love libraries; but you may not know I also love theatre. I do love acting and performing, but even more-so there is little I find as thrilling and magical as watching a performance. When I was younger I remember my dad taking me to amateur theatre productions quite often (I believe it’s one of the main reasons I love Shakespeare as I was watching it long before I had to study it at school), and pretty much every performance inspired me and made me think about or reconsider something important to life.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14px;">I didn’t ever expect these two passions of mine to come together (though admittedly where I used to live, the only theatre was in in the upstairs of the library, but they were still separate); so when I saw a theatre company was visiting a library near me, I jumped at the chance (and it’s a testament to my family that a few of them wanted to come with me). I didn’t really know what to expect as didn’t really know anything about the company<a href="https://librariantheatre.com/" target="_blank"> Librarian Theatre</a> or anything about the performance ‘The Book’s The Thing’ beyond that it is a retelling of Shakespeare’s ‘Hamlet’.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14px;">With a cast of just 3, this incredibly innovative company reminded me just how much I love theatre. As it was in a library, it was a very intimate performance, with the cast directly addressing members of the audience (and giving props and clothes to those unlucky enough to catch their eye), and taking inspiration from their surroundings. This created a very strange and unique experience but really made you feel like part of the performance. Personally I just loved everything about it (and my family seemed to, too). The cast are incredibly talented, so it was easy most of the time to differentiate between characters. And while most of the script keeps the Shakespearean language, it was reworked in such a way to easily follow the story-line without as much back story babble you usually have to sit through. In short, I loved it (in case you couldn’t tell!), and I came away feeling inspired and excited.</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14px;">The fact it was performed in a library was really the icing on the cake. I love going to the library and browsing the books (and undoubtedly borrowing a few despite the never-ending TBR piles around my home), and hate that due to cuts libraries are becoming more and more likely to shut. As a future (fingers-crossed) librarian, I do worry by the time I’m able to work, there either won’t be anywhere to work, or the entire job will be done by one or two people and the rest by machines, so that this theatre company has chosen to support local libraries by performing in them, really speaks to me. Libraries should be places of community, safety, and inspiration, where everyone is welcome and anyone can find something, and I strongly believe it is through companies like <a href="https://librariantheatre.com/" target="_blank">Librarian Theatre</a> that libraries can reach their potential in offering so much more than books (not that there’s anything wrong with books of course).</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14px;">‘The Book’s The Thing’ is currently in London I believe, but regardless if you missed this play (it’s now coming to the end of it, unfortunately I didn’t know about it for most of the tour), If you are in the UK I strongly recommend keeping an eye out on this new and unusual company <a href="https://librariantheatre.com/" target="_blank">Librarian Theatre</a> as I can only imagine what they will come up with next.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: 14px;">[I was not asked to review this performance and I paid full-price, just wanted to share my views on it.]</span></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2732202318489795253.post-51042083981821143382016-02-16T12:29:00.002-08:002016-02-16T12:29:47.500-08:00RAK'dToday I was in Oxfam looking for some gifts and somehow I got talking to the woman on the register about money/rent/benefits - I am currently having difficulties with all three. Anyway, as I was getting my stuff ready to pay she announced she was going to treat me to a couple of the books. I'm not in a position to argue over something like that right now, so gratefully accepted. However, as I left I couldn't help but wonder, am I that pathetic that an old woman who works in a charity shop feels that bad for me?<br /><br />Usually I am on the giving end, or at least the offering end (if someone doesn't have the right change or a couple of quid short or needs a carrier bag, I almost always offer to help). Until now I’ve never understood why so many people refuse to accept my RAK (Random Act of Kindness); to me it’s always been a way to spread love and hope around. But it seems <br /><br />So yes, I accepted the gesture, as I wish others would accept RAKs from me (whether they need it, or it is just a gesture of kindness), but it wasn’t without the nagging feeling that I shouldn’t have. Now I have a better idea of why others don’t want to accept it, as our society has made it so we treat every RAK with suspicion (especially if from a stranger), and when it involves money, even just a few pence, it mutates into creating shame and awkwardness. That won’t stop me from offering as I believe this world can always do with more kindness and love, and if I can do nothing else, at least I can spread a smile.<br /><br />Have you ever RAK’d someone? What RAK will you give this week?Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2732202318489795253.post-3842922927162453722016-02-14T08:07:00.001-08:002016-02-14T08:07:37.584-08:00Babies are Cute ??!<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The first baby I found cute - my baby brother (2008)</td></tr>
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I have never been a fan of children. I think even when I was a kid I didn’t really like other kids - partially due to bullying, but most likely because I preferred the company of a book. The worst though are definitely babies and toddlers. To be honest, I don’t fully understand why anyone would want one - they make a lot of noise, can be really annoying, and in general just look deformed as their features are all out of proportion (in my mind anyway). So yeah, there are very few babies and toddlers I would classify as ‘cute’.<br /><br />The other day, though, I was out eating lunch and there was a baby looking at me and he was cute (the dad was quite yummy as well), to the point that I waved at him (the baby) and he broke out in this incredible smile which in turn made me smile. The more I thought about it, the more I realized this has been happening more often recently - me finding babies cute! Okay, so they stop being cute the moment noise comes out of them, and they have to have hair to qualify, but it’s weird for me to imagine wanting to be near anyone that young for any amount of time (hence being a Scout Leader and not a Beaver or Cub Leader).<br /><br />Perhaps it’s just a hormonal thing (which is easy for me to believe as my body has been doing weird things these past couple of weeks), or perhaps I’m just growing up. Don’t get me wrong, I still don’t want to have a baby, and I still find the majority of young children really irritating. <br /><br />But finding the occasional baby ‘cute’ gives me hope that I’m not such a terrible person after all; and believe me, the looks I get when I say I don’t like children you would think that I’d just told them I was going to kill all babies (which is ridiculous as I have no idea how I’d go about that without them starting to scream and I don’t want to be near that). <br /><br />Anyone else out there who don’t usually find babies and young children cute?<br /><br /> Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2732202318489795253.post-14412401122064371472016-01-11T07:01:00.001-08:002016-01-11T07:01:47.776-08:00Into a New Year<div class="MsoNormal" style="text-align: left;">
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">While I’m not making an official goals or resolutions this year, I am hoping to live with a little more intention while still focusing on improving my health.</span><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I was lucky enough to stay with my parents over Christmas, and without doing so I doubt I would have realized just how far I</span><span style="font-family: Calibri;">’ve come over the past few years. While there, I was able to go out most days using only my walking stick. Of course I didn’t walk particularly far on any day, but it was simply that I was doing so much almost constantly that astounded me. I know I did way too much and am still dealing with a lot of the side effects, but a couple of years ago I wouldn’t have made it past a couple of days being so active without causing a severe crash. </span><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Since I’ve got home I’ve realized just how long a day can be when it is not filled with constant activity (whether that be going out or talking to someone). While at my parents I was so busy spending time with family and friends I barely had time to open my laptop, let alone find myself wasting days watching something on Netflix (and as they also don’t have television I never found myself flicking through channels), inspiring me to try harder to do that little bit more and slowly push myself into a more productive pattern so I don’t feel I am just wasting time. The only question now is where I want to put my focus as there are still many things I enjoy doing (but I know I can’t improve my health if I try to be productive with all of them).</span><span style="font-family: Calibri;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Have you made any resolutions this year? What inspired you to do so (or not)? </span><span style="font-family: Calibri; font-size: 11.0000pt; mso-bidi-font-family: 'Times New Roman'; mso-spacerun: 'yes';"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2732202318489795253.post-43591364712046339632015-12-31T11:02:00.001-08:002015-12-31T11:02:33.291-08:00Peace <div class="MsoNormal">
For the past week I’ve been thinking how I need to write the
typical end of year/new year post; but the truth is I didn’t know what I wanted
to write. While I believe we can start again at any moment, I am not above
being pulled into the hyper-awareness of past and future our society seems to
perpetuate as the clock strikes from December to January.<o:p></o:p></div>
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This year hasn’t been great for me, in that other than
writing plenty of letters, I haven’t achieved any of the goals I set at the
beginning of 2015 – some of them I haven’t made any progress towards at all. It
also hasn’t been a great year for me blogging-wise which you’ve noticed. After many
attempts to get my book blog up and running, it has been left to melt from
existence as this blog has for most of this year, which is a bit of a blow for
me. And since going to Holland with the
Scouts in August, I haven’t been able to find the stability in my life (both
physically and mentally) I depend on to manage my health.<o:p></o:p></div>
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So far it seems all dreary, but it isn’t. The past few weeks
seeing my friends and family for Christmas made me realize just how far I’ve
come this year. I went abroad. I can sometimes go about shops etc using a
walking stick instead of a wheelchair; I can go out more than twice most weeks; and just in general I am doing so much
more than I was a year or two years ago and I need to remember to be thankful
for that.<o:p></o:p></div>
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So with all those thoughts running through me, today I watched <i>Cloud Atlas</i> for the first time. I have read
the book a few times and it is definitely one of my favourite books of all
time. The film was a completely
different experience and it left me feeling a great sense of calm but also hope
for my future, for everyone’s future. It brought to mind how everything is
connected in the past, the present, and the future. I’m not sure if I believe
in fate, but I think that’s what I was feeling as I absorbed the film – that I
can put my faith in fate and everything will turn out how it’s supposed to.<o:p></o:p></div>
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This is possibly one of the best things I could be feeling
as we enter a new year. Not hope exactly, not excitement or panic or any of the
multitudes of feelings we are told is what we will feel, but peace. So for
tonight, and hopefully tomorrow and into the new year, that’s what I want to
take with me and allow myself to radiate. Peace.<o:p></o:p></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2732202318489795253.post-33650528538740355052015-11-11T11:04:00.001-08:002015-11-11T11:04:37.852-08:00Honour not Glory<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Last year I wrote about <a href="http://emptythoughtsrewritten.blogspot.co.uk/2014/11/war.html" rel="nofollow" target="_blank">how war is just as devastating forthe other countries that fight</a>, not just our own (particularly during the world
wars) which was my reaction to the Padre at the Remembrance Sunday Parade
Service. This year, my thoughts are once again a reaction to his sermon.</div>
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Mostly he talked about how we should honour and appreciate
soldiers – those who’ve fought and those who are fighting right now. It seemed
very important for him to tell us how noble they are, how they have chosen the
right profession, how we should give ourselves to the service of peace in the
same way.</div>
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I agree with the last part to a degree – I believe everyone
should be aiming for peace in the world, though not through becoming soldiers
(though if that’s what you believe is right for you then that’s up to you). For
me that is little things like sharing love and hope and smiles (mainly through
snail mail), but also things like signing petitions I believe in and, when I
have something I feel is important to say, sharing it online.</div>
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I also agree we should honour those who have fought for our
peace, despite the fact peace has never fully been realised (we can all live in
hope). But there is a fine line between
honouring those who have died and suffered through war, and glorifying them and
the act of war itself. That is why I am
a big believer in Remembrance Day – I think it’s important to remember how
millions of lives were lost in the first and second world wars, as well as the
losses people still suffer due to war. It’s important to remember and teach
young people because it should never have happened but, maybe if we learn from
it, nothing as bad as that will ever happen again (got to be honest, I don’t
believe we as a species will manage that though). But I don’t think it should
ever be held up to be a good thing. Pointless suffering and death, especially
in those numbers, can never be seen as a good thing; it is actually one of the
few times I will say the end does not justify the means (okay, if war had ever
created worldwide peace and acceptance I might feel differently, but the truth
is it hasn’t). </div>
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So I wear my poppy to remember, and to remind others of, the
atrocities of our past; and not to uphold war as something to be impressed by,
or even supported. I am no longer naive enough to believe we will ever not have
war, but I live in hope we might find other ways of creating peace.</div>
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How do you try and share peace in your daily life?</div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2732202318489795253.post-79427343194303367022015-10-01T07:26:00.000-07:002015-10-01T07:26:12.150-07:00Give it UPtoberSo it is already October (I would say, where does the time go but unfortunately I know for me most of it has gone into using my little energy to battle illness and depression), and having come across <a href="https://www.facebook.com/events/1475013139491681/1491691771157151/" target="_blank">GIVE IT UPtober</a> on Facebook, I thought that it'd be a good idea to kickstart my month by joining in.<div>
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The general idea is to give up one luxury for the month and donate the money you would have spent to Invest in M.E. which is a great charity that uses most of its funds to do research into M.E./C.F.S. as so little is still known about it. Or you can just donate in support of those giving up things such as Facebook, or just because you believe in our cause.</div>
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I will be giving up Coca-cola. A few years ago I switched from diet cola to regular (I now mainly drink coca-cola life), and then cut it out of my life except for the occasional one at the pub. Somehow over the past few months it has slipped its way back into my life to the point of having mini bottles of the sugary stuff in my fridge. I need to stop drinking it as it's not really benefiting me in any way, and we really need research done so myself and the thousands of other sufferers can start living our lives again. Despite the fact that both of those things are completely selfish, I am making myself feel extra virtuous by giving up a bad habit and supporting a charity by joining in to Give It Uptober.</div>
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If you wish to donate simply go to <a href="https://www.justgiving.com/GIUtober" target="_blank">Just Giving</a>, or te<span style="font-family: inherit;">xt <span style="background-color: white; color: #141823; line-height: 18.76px;">GIUT88 (£1 to £10) to 70070 E.g.</span><span style="background-color: white; color: #141823; font-size: 14px; line-height: 18.76px;"> </span><span style="background-color: white; color: #141823; line-height: 18.76px;">GIUT88 £5</span></span></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2732202318489795253.post-34436527528801805042015-08-07T13:54:00.000-07:002015-08-07T13:54:13.645-07:00July Round-Up<div class="MsoNormal">
<u>POSITIVE STUFF</u></div>
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<b>Blog Posts</b>: 0 (not including bookish posts)</div>
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<i>Books Read (Links to my Reviews)</i>: The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up by Marie Kondo; <a href="https://captivatedbybooks.wordpress.com/2015/07/24/review-the-100-by-kass-morgan/" target="_blank">The 100</a> by Kass Morgan; <a href="https://captivatedbybooks.wordpress.com/2015/08/07/review-harrys-war-by-harry-drinkwater/" target="_blank">Harry's War </a>by Harry Drinkwater</div>
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<b>Achievements</b><i>:</i> Regularly posting on my book blog <a href="http://captivatedbybooks.wordpress.com/" target="_blank">Captivatedby Books</a></div>
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<b>Goals Progress:</b></div>
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<i>Letters Written</i>: 0</div>
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<i>Meals Made:</i> 0</div>
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<u>HEALTH</u></div>
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<i>Good Days: </i>3</div>
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<i>Okay Days:</i> 11</div>
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<i>Physically Bad Days</i>: 10</div>
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<i>Emotionally Bad Days:</i> 4</div>
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<i>Physically and Emotionally Bad Days:</i> 3</div>
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<i>Panic/Anxiety Attacks:</i> 1</div>
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<u>RANDOM</u></div>
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<b>Cups of Coffee</b><i>:</i> 46</div>
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<b>Films Watched</b>: Back to the Future Trilogy; Tank Girl</div>
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<b>Most Watched TV Shows</b>: The Next Step; Warehouse 13;
Continuum</div>
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<b>Interests/Obsessions</b>: None</div>
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<b>Links:</b> <a href="http://pillsandpebbles.com/2015/07/13/youre-not-as-sick-as-you-say-you-are/" target="_blank">'You're not as Sick as You Say You Are' Stop Doubting our Pain</a></div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2732202318489795253.post-5133247617611764422015-07-03T05:44:00.001-07:002015-07-03T05:44:30.317-07:00June Round-UpPlease bear with me as I work out the best way to keep track of everything for these round-up posts. I haven't included my good/bad days in this one as forgot to write them down, and have decided to cut the number of cross-stitches as recording them took almost as much time as stitching, so instead if I make noticeable progress with my cross-stitch projects I'll include them in achievements.<br />
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<a href="http://emptythoughtsrewritten.blogspot.co.uk/2015/06/lying.html" target="_blank"> Lying</a> and <a href="https://captivatedbybooks.wordpress.com/2015/06/22/musing-monday-22nd-june/" target="_blank">Reading Recipe Books</a></div>
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<b>Books Read:</b></div>
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<a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/13516846-dodger" target="_blank"> Dodger </a>by Terry Pratchett; <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/6036154-up-west" target="_blank">Up West </a>by Pip
Granger; <a href="https://www.goodreads.com/book/show/23783793-down-the-wormhole" target="_blank">Down the Wormhole</a> by Ana Franco</div>
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<b>Goals Progress:</b></div>
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Letters Written: 1</div>
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Meals Cooked: Marinated Chicken Thighs</div>
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<u>HEALTH</u></div>
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<b>Panic/Anxiety Attacks:</b> 1</div>
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<u>RANDOM</u></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>Cups of Coffee: </b>32</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>Films Watched:</b> None</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>Most Watched TV Shows:</b> Once Upon a Time, Orange is the New
Black, and Orphan Black</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>Interests/Obsessions:</b> Watching planner videos</div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2732202318489795253.post-79268195545234696442015-06-08T11:08:00.003-07:002015-06-08T11:08:51.260-07:00Lying<div class="MsoNormal">
I think one of the reasons I have such difficulty creating
fiction is that for the majority (especially on TV) the main conflict is the
result of lying. I personally don’t understand the point of lying. Yes, I have
lied in the past, but as I got older I realised there was no point in lying
(especially if it was going to cause a conflict as I’d learnt from TV and novels). </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I know people lie, but I struggle to understand why they do so. Obviously there
are some things such as cheating etc, which is a lie created by lust, but if
that’s what you need in your life then why can’t you discuss it with your
partner first (if they reject the idea, then accept that or leave – don’t lie
to them). And there is lying to protect someone, but unless it is a life or
death situation (which I’m guessing the majority of people will never
experience) lying will likely only end in a bigger problem down the road.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Then there is the white lie. I sort of get not wanting to
hurt other people’s feelings, but surely it would be better coming from a
friend than a stranger. I have learnt it’s not always the best idea to say if
something shows your flaws, but instead of lying I explain why (eg. The colour
or the cut of the clothing isn’t right for you).</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Our culture seems to accept lying, while the media clearly
shows it rarely gets us anywhere and simply creates mistrust. But how much
better would the world be if not only we could expect the truth from everyone,
but that there was no need to lie (whether it be to protect yourself or someone
else). And perhaps that’s the real issue – the world just isn’t that
open-minded. There are people who will hate us for our truths, but if we don’t
stop lying, we are just adding to the misunderstandings and hate. That’s my
opinion anyway.</div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What about you? Do you lie? If so, why? (I genuinely want to
know, and won’t be offended if you choose to answer anonymously). </div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2732202318489795253.post-900013686751333932015-05-02T11:51:00.001-07:002015-05-03T05:07:17.270-07:00April Round-Up<div class="MsoNormal">
I know I've been dropping the ball when it comes to my blogging, so I thought I'd pep it up a bit by doing a monthly round-up type post which is what this is. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<i><u>POSITIVE STUFF</u></i></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>Blog Posts:</b> </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
2 Musing Mondays posts over on my <a href="https://captivatedbybooks.wordpress.com/" target="_blank">book blog</a> (one on libraries and one on my preferred format for reading books);and <a href="http://emptythoughtsrewritten.blogspot.co.uk/" target="_blank">A Quarter of 2015</a></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>Books Read:</b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Cinch! by Cyntia Sass; Tomorrow by Graham Swift; Secret Diary of a Demented Housewife by Niamh Greene</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>Achievements:</b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Received 5 years service award for Scouting</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Raised £119 for Invest in M.E. through birthday donations (you can still <a href="https://www.justgiving.com/Tamara-Epps1/" target="_blank">donate</a> as I haven't quite met my target yet?</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>Goals Progress:</b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Letters Written: 2<br />
Meals Cooked: None, but learnt how to use my spiralizer to make courgetti</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>No. Stitches (cross stitch)</b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Don't know (didn't come up with the idea til the end of the month so didn't keep track)</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<u><i>HEALTH</i></u></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>Good Days: </b>17</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>Bad Days: </b>10</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>Really Bad Days: </b>3</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>Panic/Anxiety Attacks: </b>1</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<u><i>RANDOM</i></u></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>Cups of Coffee: </b>34</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>Films Watched: </b>Monsters University</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>Most Watched TV Shows: </b>Stargate SG-1; Gilmore Girls</div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>Interests/Obsessions: </b>Freddie Mercury (and, by extension, Queen)</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Did you like this post? Would you like to see it every month? Anything I've missed? Let me know in the comments.</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2732202318489795253.post-88324008159222819722015-04-17T05:31:00.000-07:002015-04-17T05:31:02.136-07:00A Quarter of 2015<div class="MsoNormal">
So over a quarter of the year has gone and I can’t help
feeling I have done nothing with that time. I haven’t been meeting my yearly
goals; I haven’t been writing blog posts; I am behind on my reading, and so on.
However, I have to take into account that it hasn’t been a good start to the
year. For reasons I don’t really want to share I was left without carers for a
month or so. On the one hand it was a good chance to see what life would be
like without them, on the other hand it became increasingly clear it made my
life significantly worse. Thankfully that’s been sorted now (and the new care
company so far seems much better) and I am beginning to come back from that
awful experience which affected my depression as well as my physical health.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I finally feel there is a chance I can start moving forward
again. Spring came and it motivated me, but then it seems we have jumped to
summer and the heat is only making me more lethargic and unwilling to actually
do anything. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
There are many days when I feel like I’ve achieved nothing,
but I have to remember I usually do some reading, have a shower, talk to the
carers, do some cross-stitch, and get myself dressed which is way more than
I’ve been able to do continually (every day) for quite some time. And every day
I try and motivate myself to get a little something done, whether it be sorting
out my flat (as I still haven’t fully unpacked even though I’ve been here 2
years), reading, or writing. It’s hard not to focus on the time ‘wasted’, but I
know it’s the future I’m working towards, and though sometimes it feels like I
do nothing, I still need plenty of rest to continue improving.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So I have to hope the worst of the year is over and I can
start trying to get on with my life again (now I just have to work out where to
put my focus as there are so many things I want to do).</div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
How has 2015 been treating you so far? Do you see a
difference in your life as the seasons change?</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2732202318489795253.post-63220380771336289692015-02-11T09:34:00.002-08:002015-02-11T09:34:45.539-08:00Meat Monday (9th Feb)It kind of feels wrong to keep calling it 'Meat Mondays' as I now seem to be eating meat pretty much full-time, but not sure what other name to use.<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Basically, due to the fact most things are bought in packs, it just didn't make sense to only eat meat on Mondays as it would have been wasteful and more expensive than being able to buy a pack of ham and not have to worry about it going off before my next chance to eat it.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
That being said, I am still trying to make Mondays the time I make sure to try something new and different, especially for dinner. This week I had a chicken ready meal, which was surprisingly good. And over the past week I had my first hamburger (which was a bit of a disaster as the one time I'm looking for meat burgers, the store only had one kind and lots of veggie options which I've never seen before), which was not so good, so think I'll have to hold off my opinion til I've tried a few more. I've also eaten quite a bit of chicken. Turns out I like chicken, a lot!</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
However, since eating meat I have put on substantial weight. I'm hoping it was just the crazy sweet pig-out last week as I got a little excited about having so many choices, but it's something I'm going to have to keep my eye on as I'm actually aiming to lose a little weight, not pile it on.</div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
As usual, if you have any suggestions for things I can try (especially healthy options), please let me know in the commens.</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2732202318489795253.post-14430187858385196042015-02-09T12:14:00.001-08:002015-02-09T12:15:57.805-08:00Birthday Presents PleaseSomehow February has come around somehow I still feel stuck in November and way behind on any possible ideas I could have had. But most importantly, it is now only a month to my birthday.<br />
<br />
While I do feel birthdays should be celebrated loudly and with plenty of cake and sprinkles, that's not why I'm writing a post about it. <a href="http://emptythoughtsrewritten.blogspot.co.uk/2013/02/make-my-birthday-wish-come-true.html" target="_blank">Two years ago I asked you to donate to AYME for my birthday</a> and got an incredible response. This year, I'm hoping I will get at least half the enthusiasm of two years ago.<br />
<br />
This year I am raising money for <a href="http://www.investinme.org/" target="_blank">Invest in M.E.</a> (IiME) instead of receiving presents. As it's my 27th, my aim is £270 but honestly, every penny donated means the world to me and will hopefully lead to some of my birthday wishes coming true. Admittedly, I don't expect M.E. to be cured over night; in fact I don't expect there to be a cure in my lifetime, though that won't stop it being my birthday wish each year.<br />
<br />
I have chosen IiME because not only does it offer information and support to those with M.E. and their carers, but it also invests in very important research. Unfortunately, M.E. research isn't high on the list for investors, which is why IiME is different from other charities. I know research into the causes of M.E., even being able to diagnose M.E., is a long way off (as I said, I don't expect too many break-throughs in my lifetime), but without this research nothing will change.<br />
<br />
M.E. is not fun to live with. It has taken almost everything from me; thankfully not my family and a few friends and I'm so grateful for that as I know not everyone dealing with this disability is so lucky. I am not able to work; or dance. I can rarely go out on a whim, go shopping in more than one or two shops at a time(without a wheelchair); or cook a proper meal. Even the things that keep me sane like reading, writing letters, cross-stitching, I can only do for a short period of time.<br />
<br />
Because of this, I want to raise money for a charity that focus on researching M.E. in the hope that in the future no one has to live with this misunderstood and sometimes highly-debilitating disability.<br />
<br />
I know my birthday wish is a big one, but unless you can magically disappear M.E. from the world, a few pennies is all I'm asking for in the hopes that one day it will become true. I don't care if you can spare £10, £1 or even just 10p - every donation will be the best present you could possibly give.<br />
<br />
To donate, <a href="https://www.justgiving.com/Tamara-Epps1/" target="_blank">click here</a>, click on the button at the top of this site, or donate by texting TEBD88 to 70070<br />
<br />
Thanks for letting me ramble, and p.s. I plan to do this every other year with a different charity each time.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2732202318489795253.post-28996656024176416962015-01-27T08:47:00.000-08:002015-01-27T08:47:00.098-08:00Meat Mondays (26/1/15)I realise the title and day might confuse some, but as I rarely have energy at the end of the day to form a proper sentence, I decided Meat Mondays doesn't necessarily have to be written and posted on Mondays; after all, if I were to post earlier in the day, I wouldn't have eaten the meat to write about. It will still be called 'Meat Mondays' though, as the actual meat eating happens on the Monday.<br />
<br />
So for the past week I have felt a little lost in this world of food that has suddenly opened up for me. It's a lot like getting an expansion pack for the Sims and being faced with too many choices for what to focus on first, ending up avoiding playing anything new at all. To make sure I at least tried to keep eating meat, I went for a simple solution - buying something in a tin. Turns out this was a terrible idea.<br />
<br />
I wasn't feeling great after eating a sausage roll for lunch (though part of that may be due to a food hangover from Sunday), especially as the greasy, oily texture wouldn't leave my mouth no matter what else I put in it. Then in the evening I had what can only be described as the least appetizing bowl of meat in existence. It was, supposedly, beef stew with dumplings. The dumplings were a huge help in managing to eat any, as were the hot rolls I decided to have with it. In general, it was bad. I guess I should have known this; other than soup, I rarely eat meals out of tins as they just aren't the best quality, but I panicked. Having all this choice and not knowing where to turn, I clearly made the worst possible choice. Part of the problem is I don't want to get anything fresh as I'd have to do my shopping on either Sunday or Mondays for that to work, and it's very difficult finding meat for one that can be cooked fairly quickly and simply (many of my carers seem incapable of reading, or listening to, instructions and unless I have the energy to watch or help, I've found the safest option is to go with something that's almost impossible to screw up). <br />
<br />
There are ready meals though, and I think this might be where I turn to next. Of course, I don't have a clue what most of the food is, unless there is a vegetarian alternative (such as lasagne or shepherd's pie), as I don't really remember what my mum served up before I was a veggie. Unless someone can give me some hints in the comments, I will likely go for things I sort of recognize, at least until I get a grip on the whole eating meat thing.<br />
<br />
On the plus side, it is a weirdly liberating not to have to read the ingredients list on sweets and yoghurts to ensure they're vegetarian. I think it'll be a long time before I remember I don't have to look at the ingredients, but at least I'm not automatically checking for gelatine before considering buying them. This week I had wine gums which were so much better than I remember them, and surprisingly more-ish. That mixed with the gunky feeling of oil and too much food in general, didn't lead to the best experience, but hopefully it can only go uphill from here.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2732202318489795253.post-74262504076320890042015-01-24T11:08:00.000-08:002015-01-24T11:08:01.797-08:00Words and Thoughts on Words and Thoughts<div class="MsoNormal">
Lately I have started quite a few blog posts but they’ve
only been half-thought out. So I come back to work on them, and instead of
becoming clearer in my mind, they simply grow and morph into so many different
points and thoughts and ideas I have no idea what I originally started out to
say, let alone how to go about breaking these ever-growing well-written mind-dumps
(I honestly can’t think of a better word to describe these pieces of writing)
into individual blog posts. I have an idea yet somehow it gets lost in the next
one and the next one, leading me to become confused. And if the writer is
confused I have no doubt that unleashing these semi-formed monsters onto the
interwebs would possibly detract from everything else out there, let alone
actually add to it.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As a blogger I know I want to create meaningful pieces, and
thoughtful pieces, and the occasional random observation to share as posts. But
as a writer (and being me) I want to explore ideas and concepts and words. So
far there shouldn’t be a problem, but once I get started on the exploring my
hands run away with it (via typing, as opposed to my fingers running akin to
the hand in Addam’s Family) and anything meaningful or thoughtful or
observational gets lost in the pathway to wherever I might be heading – it doesn’t
help that I haven’t got there yet so can’t even backtrack, but I have a feeling that if I were to wait,
I wouldn’t get there til my last breath which is leaving it a little late to
start working out what the heck is/has/will/was go through my mind.</div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
If I continue typing there is a very high chance this will
end up just like the other posts I’ve started in the past few weeks, meaning I’ll
never get to share it as I’ll be too busy getting lost under the deluge of
words. So, just this once, I’m taking a breath and posting without
reconsidering or pondering or generally continuing it into infinity, just so you
know I haven’t forgotten you, my lovely readers, I’m simply trying to divide
the masses of material I’ve suddenly acquired into something remotely
understandable. (If you have any tips on
how to do this, I’d love to read them in the comments.)</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2732202318489795253.post-16082698130268275082015-01-19T11:00:00.003-08:002015-01-19T11:00:57.086-08:00Meat Mondays<div class="MsoNormal">
Those who know me, know I’ve been a strict vegetarian for
over 15 years. Those who know me really well, however, will know that for the
past year I have been toying with the idea of eating meat.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
When I was 11 I became vegetarian because I was concerned
with how animals were kept, and in particular, killed. After about 10 years it
became less about ethical reasons and more because it was part of who I was, my
identity. So seriously considering eating
meat again threw me off a bit; I didn’t know what I wanted. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I believe in being true to myself, and the idea of not being
a vegetarian felt as if I was turning my back on who I am. Last week I realised
that if I want to eat meat then that’s who I am now. I was worried about not
being true to myself, but in truth I was simply holding on to the person I used
to be. A lot has changed in the last few years, and I guess this is just one
more change. I never expected to eat meat again, and it’s taking a lot for me
to take this step as I have a lot of pride and I dread to think of the
reactions I’ll get, but I’m sure in time whatever happens will simply become
the ‘norm’.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
As I haven’t eaten any meat or fish (Even though I want to, I’m
still not going to eat fish as I disagree with how they’re killed so can’t
bring myself to) for so long, I’m going to take it very slow. On the
blog-o-sphere there is “Meatless Monday” and so I thought I would do the
opposite and have “Meat Monday” and only eat meat on Mondays just to see how it
goes.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
I have always said if anything was going to tempt it would
be a ham sandwich (though in all honesty I can’t remember why) and so today
that’s what I was going to have for lunch – the first meat I’ve eaten in 15
years or so. Actually, ham was the very last thing I ate when giving up meat at
2 weeks after eating vegetarian I caved and ate about half a pack of sliced ham
in secret. Somehow the ham I bought got lost on the way to the fridge, but as I
visited a friend, she kindly made me one. I had to bookend my vegetarianism
with ham as I refused to eat anything else first. I also bought some sausage
rolls (the shop didn’t have pork pies which is what I actually wanted), some chicken
soup for dinner, and some jelly babies.
Even though looking at, considering, and buying meat, all feel
completely weird to me, at the same time I know this is the next step in my
life – I don’t know whether I’ll hate it or love it, but it’s time for me to
make this change, at least for a little while.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So today I’ve eaten a ham sandwich, which tasted good though
left a strange oily texture as an aftertaste. I had some spinach and chicken pizza for
dinner, still not sure what I thought of that; and some jelly babies, which
honestly were not enjoyable.</div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Let me know if you want to follow my journey into eating
meat, and post every Monday with my thoughts, let me know in the comments. Also
I’d love to know if there’s anything you think I’ve been missing out on as a
vegetarian.</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2732202318489795253.post-89045425333184355942015-01-06T03:21:00.000-08:002015-01-06T03:21:13.715-08:002015 Goals<div style="text-align: left;">
As you know, I'm not really a fan of new year's resolutions, simply because I know I'm going to set vague ones (like spend less, eat better, etc) that are impossible to actually keep. For the past few years I've been choosing 3 words at the beginning of each year to focus on. As I can't tell you without looking what the words for 2014 were, I think we can count that as a fail. So this year I'm trying something new and setting goals for myself. Hopefully these will be sensible and therefore possible to keep, but I'm not going to beat myself up if I don't manage to keep all of them.<br /><br />I have only just come up with these over the past few days, so technically not starting right at the beginning of the new year, but I figure better late than never. In no particular order they are:<br /><br /><span style="font-stretch: normal; text-indent: -18pt;">1.</span><span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; text-indent: -18pt;"> </span><span style="text-indent: -18pt;">Make an advent calendar</span><br /><span style="text-indent: -18pt;">2.</span><span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; text-indent: -18pt;">
</span><span style="text-indent: -18pt;">Finish cross-stitching baby sampler</span><br /><span style="text-indent: -18pt;">3.</span><span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; text-indent: -18pt;">
</span><span style="text-indent: -18pt;">Finish writing ebook</span><br /><span style="text-indent: -18pt;">4.</span><span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; text-indent: -18pt;">
</span><span style="text-indent: -18pt;">Finish organising my flat</span><br /><span style="text-indent: -18pt;">5.</span><span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; text-indent: -18pt;">
</span><span style="text-indent: -18pt;">Cook at least one meal from scratch each month</span><br /><span style="text-indent: -18pt;">6.</span><span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; text-indent: -18pt;">
</span><span style="text-indent: -18pt;">Save min. £10 per week</span><br /><span style="text-indent: -18pt;">7.</span><span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; text-indent: -18pt;">
</span><span style="text-indent: -18pt;">Read 50 books</span><br /><span style="text-indent: -18pt;">8.</span><span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; text-indent: -18pt;">
</span><span style="text-indent: -18pt;">Put 1hr per week into scouting (not incl. Weekly
meetings)</span><br /><span style="text-indent: -18pt;">9.</span><span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal; text-indent: -18pt;">
</span><span style="text-indent: -18pt;">Write a letter every Saturday</span><br /><br /><span style="text-indent: -18pt;">I got to nine and tried to rack my brain to come up with a tenth, as that would be a nice round number, but then I realised I wanted to make goals I wanted to meet, rather than forcing a goal upon myself just so I could have a nice round number.</span><br /><br /><span style="text-indent: -18pt;">I don't know how these goals will go (for the past few years I've aimed at between 50-60 books yet never made it past 48 - this year I read 46), but it's nice to have something concrete I can focus on, and something less ambiguous than 'blog more' (though that is something I want to do).</span><br /><br /><span style="text-indent: -18pt;">Do you make new year's resolutions? Let me know in the comments below your hopes and dreams for 2015 and what you think of mine.</span><br /><br /><span style="text-indent: -18pt;">p.s. I have a post of pictures of my holiday season in mind, but unfortunately left my camera at the new year party I went to, so guess we'll just have to wait.</span></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2732202318489795253.post-12547354717685325732014-11-24T07:03:00.003-08:002014-11-24T07:03:47.141-08:00Band Aid 30As usual I am behind the rest of the world, only becoming aware of the Band Aid 30 single 'Do They Know It's Christmas?' last night, and the subsequent backlash today.<br />
<br />
I'll admit I used to have an issue with celebs making a big deal of raising for charity, but these days it is expected of them. However, I never really thought of Do They Know It's Christmas? in that way, simply because the original is one of my favourite Christmas songs.<br />
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When I listen to it, I'm not looking down upon those in famine, natural disaster, sickness, etc, I'm just being reminded that there are so many people who are struggling. As a listener, I don't worry about which Country (or Continent) the song is directed at, or why those Countries can't solve their own problems (after all, people are dying of starvation in the UK, so we're certainly can't judge). I don't care how 'patronizing' the lyrics are (personally, I've never thought of them as such), nor who is singing what. <br />
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All this controversy is just political correctness gone mad, unfortunately a term I use a lot. And it is a shame we are more interested in pointing fingers and blame, than appreciating that the money is being raised.<br />
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Because, at the end of the day, all that matters is that the money is being raised, and progress is being made. Who cares why, or how, as long as something is being done. And Band Aid 30 has made me more aware of the ebola virus, so I'm struggling to see how that is a bad thing.<br />
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So <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i1jeiC-JEsI" target="_blank">watch the video</a>. If you like the song <a href="https://itunes.apple.com/gb/album/do-they-know-its-christmas/id940786969?ign-mpt=uo%3D4" target="_blank">download (buy) the song</a> or put it as your ringtone. <a href="https://mydonatetelethonsappeals.bt.com/donate/bandaid30/" target="_blank">Donate</a> if you want to. And ignore the judgement and just enjoy it for what it is.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2732202318489795253.post-32183551644634934752014-11-12T12:15:00.002-08:002014-11-12T12:15:52.582-08:00Silence<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">When I moved into my flat one thing I didn’t like
was I could barely hear when it rained unless it was absolutely chucking it
down. Today I realised I haven’t been
sitting in the right place or allow enough silence to truly let the rain be
heard.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">In modern society there is no such thing as
silence. We are constantly being
bombarded by music, strange noises from our phones, having the TV on ‘in the
background’ – and that is just inside the house. The only time I am really quiet is when I’m
reading, and honestly I that isn’t completely silence as my mind is being
filled with someone else’s words and thoughts.
And that moment between putting down the book and deciding what to do
next, that moment that is only filled with silence, is not something I look
forward to.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">I find silence disconcerting. I don’t know how to
feel or what to do when it’s too quiet, so I fill up my days with as much noise
as I can find. It’s not exactly
intentional, but it’s become something necessary to feel calm and safe.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Because silence isn’t safe. Silence forces us to
listen to our own thoughts without any outside input; it forces us to truly
take stock of how we’re feeling. And, unfortunately, because we are so busy
filling our lives with noise, we don’t always notice how run down we are, and
we don’t want to know. So we fill our lives with noise.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">There isn’t really a point to this post, it’s simply
an observation. I thought about making
it a point that I’ll try and have my silence in my life (because I will), but
honestly I don’t know whether noise isn’t just as important.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Times New Roman","serif"; font-size: 12.0pt; line-height: 115%;">Do you make intentional time for silence? Have you
found it to be helpful, or does it not really make a difference?<o:p></o:p></span></div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2732202318489795253.post-5150652689087943172014-11-09T08:35:00.002-08:002014-11-09T08:35:53.816-08:00War<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVuhzz3AbuLFpfxZFbeBpA-RO1woXY7HZJUIeEqrTittHxA4RTT-CJ7nFqXPaj11BCtoCHMZpNZI4bItRn9qgJhIFXl90_OqivizlpFqOmQmmTMsxDRdU3Vih2komDpH9517xhq2cQJ1ua/s1600/poppies.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiVuhzz3AbuLFpfxZFbeBpA-RO1woXY7HZJUIeEqrTittHxA4RTT-CJ7nFqXPaj11BCtoCHMZpNZI4bItRn9qgJhIFXl90_OqivizlpFqOmQmmTMsxDRdU3Vih2komDpH9517xhq2cQJ1ua/s1600/poppies.jpg" height="173" width="320" /></a></div>
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Today is remembrance Sunday, and as a Scout leader I joined
the local parade and service. I used to participate in this every year when I
was a teenager as part of the army cadets, but this is the first year I had a
remote understanding what it is we are remembering.</div>
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As it is 100 years since the outbreak of WWI, there has been
a lot of documentaries and dramas on the BBC this year. Through these I have learned so much, often
more than I could deal with emotionally.
Yet I am still aware that I have no real comprehension of life during
the world wars, let alone life in the trenches.</div>
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What I do know is war is just as terrible if you are
fighting on the other side. Today the
Padre said something that horrified me. He said ‘we should take pride that
those young men died (during the world wars) fighting a wicked and evil enemy’. I can understand family members feeling pride
that their son fought for justice and peace.
I can understand that those who created the wars were/are wicked and
evil (at least in our point of view). But I also know that those men didn’t die
fighting those who had started the war; they died fighting men exactly like
themselves. Those men believed they were fighting for peace and justice, just
as much as our men did. War makes everyone the same, and to imply it is heroic
in any sense, is to avoid the issue of the fact they are fighting for their
beliefs as those on the other side are fighting for theirs. When we remember those that gave their todays
so we could live in this tomorrow, we shouldn’t only remember those from our
own countries, but those from every country. </div>
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We remember so their lives weren’t given in vain, that’s
what we like to tell ourselves. Yet, to
me, it seems as if we haven’t learnt anything from the horrendousness and
tragedy of the world wars. <b>People are still fighting. They say it is to
maintain peace, but all I can see is death and pain and sorrow.</b></div>
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2732202318489795253.post-75450122541670692642014-11-08T12:21:00.001-08:002014-11-08T12:21:57.135-08:00Being Egged and Changing the WorldHalloween has always been a time associated with 'egging'. I don't mean egging in the sense of 'egging on', but rather egging someone's house. While I've known about the idea since I can remember, I've never had it happen to me, or even heard of it really happening.<br />
<br />
I suppose technically I didn't get egged, but the bus I happened to be in, was. And, in a way, that is so much worse (although, admittedly, I did feel thankful I wasn't the one who would have to clean it up). Services like buses are there for the general public. I am a big believer in public services, whether than be buses, trains, NHS, libraries, government websites, etc. But I'm beginning to wonder if I'm alone in the belief that these services not only help those in need, but are necessary for a stable community.<br />
<br />
I'm not going to go into the politics, as that's for people with a much better understanding of it, but I am a person who relies on many public services. Whatever you may think, those services were created for a reason, and it is people like those egging the bus (and the politicians, but again, not going there), that are causing them to wither and die. I have a feeling it was likely teenagers with nothing else to do, not surprising when you realise that almost all young people's services have already been cut.<br />
<br />
I have to be honest, I don't know how we can ever remedy the society we are currently living in. But I believe that every person has the ability to change the world around them for better or worse by thinking before we act (and sometimes acting when we normally just think) . It might not necessarily be in a big way, but I for one hope my contribution will be positive, even if it only effects one other person.Unknownnoreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2732202318489795253.post-16083362458557648652014-10-25T11:57:00.002-07:002014-10-25T11:57:10.162-07:00Happiness<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">I am now in my fourth year of being severely ill, but the progress
I've made over the past year gives me hope that one day I will be joining the
rest of the world outside my door once again. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">But, and this is the hard part to accept, a lot of that hope of
happiness hangs on the assumption my health will improve. While I'm not
unhappy at the minute, I don't think I can ever be truly happy while this ill.
I'm not saying I need perfect health - enough to work part-time and be able to
see my friends and family often is all I'm asking for. But I need my
health to be happy.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">I'm sure this goes against everything we are supposed to believe.
We are constantly bombarded with inspirational stories where people attribute
their happiness to having lived/ living through illness and pain.
Sometimes I worry I should be happy because of this experience, but the
truth is I'm not. Being ill hasn't improved my life. Yes, I am more aware
of how grateful I am for the little things like being able to eat what I want
and having the internet, and yes, it has led to meeting new people, some of
whom have become good friends. But that doesn't mean I'm happy with my life
right now.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div style="margin-bottom: .0001pt; margin: 0cm;">
<span style="font-size: 13.5pt;">I'm sorry if this feels depressing, that's honestly not how I mean
it to come across. I simply feel others need to know that being ill doesn't
mean being positive all the time, or being happy that this happened to us.
It doesn't mean we are supposed to be inspirational and appear strong all
the time. It doesn't mean we are enjoying the fact we cannot work or even
go to the shops when we like. And I'm certain I'm not the only one who
feels this way (and if I am then guess I’m more of a unique little snowflake
than I thought).<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2732202318489795253.post-42194622943017015622014-10-06T05:58:00.002-07:002014-10-06T05:58:24.267-07:00My Past and Future<span style="font-family: inherit;">Perhaps it's because I'm so ill, I have a habit of romanticizing the past. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">With the way my life is now, there isn't much marking time for me. Seasons are changing and half the time I don't even notice because I'm sitting inside my cosy flat, only aware of the world I am a part of through my laptop screen. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Today I watched<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iJDIShEY-O0" target="_blank"> a video</a> that reminded me it is fresher's week at Universities across the country. Worse, it made me remember a few years ago when I was at uni, one of the happiest times of my life. I'm aware I was happy because I was fairly healthy and able to go out, I had wonderful friends, and later, a wonderful boyfriend. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Of course, I wasn't aware at the time (at least not all the time) I would remember it as being the happiest time of my life. I had depression, and I struggled to balance my life. But that time is what I now associate happiness with. W<span style="line-height: 18.3999996185303px;">hile initially being reminded of that time hurt because it's something I no longer have, and while I could spend all my time wishing I could back, the past is the past. I</span>t's a time in my life I can never go back to; <span style="line-height: 115%;">and honestly I don't want to. </span></span><br />
<span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Instead, I'm focusing on my future. Right now my health isn't great, but every day I try and remember the hope I have for my future. I know it won't happen overnight, and I know it's not something I can simply wish into happening, but every day I can use that hope to take a small step forward to the future I want, a future filled with happiness. I can't even imagine what that future will look like, but I know it's going to be amazing.</span></span><br />
<span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">And I'm so super excited at the prospect of new
experiences, new friends, new love.</span></span><br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2732202318489795253.post-11881873485464751182014-09-24T13:29:00.002-07:002014-09-24T13:29:16.341-07:00Moving...to the Sofa<div class="MsoNormal">
For the past year or so I have done everything in/on my bed.
It has become my place to sleep, eat, watch Netflix, go online, read, stitch,
etc (you get the idea). This week I have finally moved over to the sofa. It’s
less than three steps away (or it would be if that side of the bed was tidy!)
so isn’t far. But to me the sofa is a whole new world to explore. The main
reason I wanted to move away from living in my bed is to try and recondition my
mind to know that the bed is for sleeping and resting only (okay, and acts of
nakedness); I’m also hoping it will help with some of the back ache I get from
slouching on a bed all day.</div>
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So far it seems to be
working, though it still feels unnatural to sit on the sofa ; it’s still a
decision I have to make every morning. But
I have noticed I am already a lot more motivated, especially in sorting out the
flat (progress is slow, but at least it’s being made). The only real issue is
the window is now directly behind me so at certain times of day I have to shut
out the natural light if I wish to see the screen of my laptop; and I haven’t
quite worked out the most comfortable position even with all the cushions I
have to help me.</div>
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Moving from the bed to the sofa might seem like a tiny insignificant
step, but for me it is a step towards the life I want to be leading. They say
the only way to create change is to do something different, and so here I am,
sitting on the sofa.</div>
Unknownnoreply@blogger.com3