I can't believe it's March. That means there are now days til my birthday. And, much more scary, only six weeks until my final hand-in date. I have six weeks left of university!
This knowledge is making me flip emotions all over the place. I am excited. I am terrified. I feel lost. I feel safe. I am confident. I am angry. I am overwhelmed. Mostly that last one.
Once again the feeling of being on the edge of something great has returned. And I guess, this time I really am right on the edge. In six weeks I will be able to do whatever I want. But at the same time I am very aware that that last statement isn't true. It should be but due to that little problem I have (M.E. feel free to go away any time now) I know it isn't. Because I can't do whatever I want. I can't work full-time. I can't get a job in London. I can't lose sleep while trying to write (okay, so I could do this but not if I want to be able to leave my bed anytime in the future). I can't dance like I used to.
I am aware of all the dreams I have lost. That I have been forced to give up.
But then I remember that despite this, I am happy. Well, I am most of the time. I am in love. I have dreams (even if I've had to compromise on some of them). And I have hope. Hope that I can survive in this world. Hope that I am stronger than I ever imagined. Hope that I'm not alone.
Okay, so this post has ended up in a completely different place to where it started. But I am going to leave it as it is as it's the perfect snapshot - of a moment in time - of my life. I am here, there and everywhere. And hey, did you notice my new look for the blog? It just felt like it needed a change. SWhat do you think?