I'm Not Waiting For The New Year To Start

You may remember that I once said I don't make New Year's Resolutions.  I still stand by that - it's a bad time (for most people) to be trying to better themselves.  We've just had a massive indulge session with Christmas - food, gifts, drink etc - which just doesn't lead to positive thoughts about ourselves.

However, this year I am feeling excited.  I think perhaps it's because I usually get my 'new start' excitement at the beginning of the school year (September, October time), and this year I didn't.  So now I'm filled with hope and belief that next year is going to be MY YEAR.  Now, technically I'm not making any resolutions, I'm just resolving to keep going, to keep trying until I get where I want to go.

I am also not waiting for the first of January.  I have been filled with this renewed passion for a few days and I am already acting on it.  I started stitching my designs (yes, for that creative business I mentioned a few months ago) and I'm writing more - more often and more varied ideas.  I love this feeling that anything is possible and I'm hoping you are feeling it too.  If you are, I would love it if you stop waiting for the right moment (New Year, Monday, Next Week) as personally I feel that the longer we procrastinate with our actions, the less likely we are to start at all. 

Let me know in the comments if you have any New Year Resolutions and if you are going to stop waiting.

Resting

I realise that once again I have been missing for a week or so.  This weekend was completely nuts for me and the truth is I did far too much.  I went Christmas shopping and my family came round for the weekend which was a lot of work due to all the tidying that needed to get done - it was totally worth it though to see my Mum and Dad.

So this week I'm taking it slow (well, last night I had a girly night with a friend which was fabulous) and enjoying the lack of stress I'm finally feeling.  I know that there is still tidying to do but most of the stresses of Christmas are now past and I'm deciding to just relax and enjoy the end of the year.  Hope you're having a restful and peaceful time and making time for you.

Fighting My Inner Monica

I am a big fan of the tv series ‘Friends’ and my favourite character is Monica (it used to be Pheobe but I guess I changed).  In some ways I want to be like her – I like that she is super organised, though I in no way am as tidy-compulsive as she is.  In fact, I’ve never really felt that I am that obsessive about how I live or how I appear to others.

This Christmas season I realised that that is complete rubbish.  I am quite an organised person usually, but when it comes to Christmas I always want to have the picture-card perfect holiday.  I want to give the best gifts; I want to bake every festive cake and cookie recipe I find; I want to decorate the flat perfectly.

This year I had planned on making everyone’s gifts.  I have had to let that go and am now only making little ones and Spud’s gifts (though Spud is going to get his late as I’ve only just started it!).  We haven’t decorated at all yet (the plan is to do it today) as I wanted to completely tidy the flat first.  I’ve had to relax this hope as there are still unpacked boxes and it’s just not realistic to empty them all and clean and put up the decorations before this weekend (when our parents are coming round).  I wanted to bake lots of different delights – so far I’ve baked one batch of gingerbread cupcakes.  I’m hoping that I’ll be able to bake gingerbread biscuits in the next few days and next week want to give the candy cane cakes a go (they have peppermint icing in red and white).

While I still wish I could have my ‘picture perfect’ Christmas, I have realised that forcing myself to try will cause me a lot of pain and exhaustion.  And when I can’t fulfil my hopes I would be crushed and my mood would ruin Christmas.  So I have decided to not worry quite as much and to try and enjoy the season.  It doesn’t really matter whether it’s ‘perfect’ or not, as spending time with my family and with Chris will make it perfect.  Besides, there’s always next year and the year after that and the year after that to keep improving until I become the best hostess (no, I’m not like Monica at all) and create the image in my mind (though I guarantee it still wouldn’t be great unless I have someone to share it with).

Growing Up

For the past week or so I have been feeling particularly homesick.  This is the first time I've felt like I really want to go home and be with my family, since Chris and I moved in together six months ago.  I'm certain that part of this homesickness is due to it being Christmas.  Christmas has always been a family holiday for me, and sticking to my decision to just spend it with Chris has been really difficult (I'm seriously considering spending Christmas day with my parents next year if they don't mind!).

However, I'm refusing to give in to my inner child on this as I am really stubborn and also, I feel it is time for me to try living life my way.  Of course I have no idea what that means yet, but I get the feeling it's the sort of thing you learn from trying rather than keeping it to theory.

I will be seeing my parents, my sister, and my little brother this weekend though and I'm really excited about it as I miss them all so much.  It doesn't feel that long since I was still living at home and groaning about getting up each day to go to school (which, when I think about it, was very weird as I am a very academic person) but, it turns out, life catches up.  I'm just beginning to realise this and that, while I will always have my family, my friends and my memories, finding out who I am and what I really want is the next step in my life.  Guess I grew up after all (well, except when it comes to Christmas - I can't wait to leave out a mince pie for Santa and see what he leaves me to unwrap).

My Day and a Mini Struggle I'm Currently Having

It is possibly a bad idea to write this post right now as I can feel tiredness overwhelming me; and if truth be told, I have no pearls of wisdom to share with you. 

Today I went Christmas shopping - only I didn't end up buying any presents (actually, I bought one) though I came home with a few treats for myself (and a few more ideas and a lot of panicking about ideas I don't have yet).  It may seem a little early to be stressing out about the lack of presents I have bought, but for me, most of the present giving is going to happen next weekend as both Chris' and my parents are visiting.

I am also struggling with my laptop at the moment.  It works, but refuses to charge while it is switched on so I have to wait while it charges in between my times online.  This is completely weird for me as usually I spend hours online every day - now I am relegated to just a few hours over the course of one day (my batteries are old so don't last very long and take ages to charge).  Unfortunately it has been my writing that has taken a hit - both my blogging and, in fact, all other writing I do (except writing in my diary).  I am still undecided whether being forced away for my laptop for the majority of the day is a good thing or not.  I'm thinking that it's good that I am no longer allowed to glue myself to a screen, but I also think that the 1-1.1/2 hr time I have at a time is not long enough to really start and finish everything I want to do - I guess this is where it takes some practice (and clearly I am getting better as I've managed to write this today!)

Hopefully I'll have something of more substance for you later this week (but please don't hold your breath as I would hate to be the cause of your lack of oxygen).

Didn't Mean To Be Gone So Long

Wow, I honestly didn't realise just how much time I have been away from this blog.  I can't really believe that it's December already (it doesn't help that I don't feel very Christmassy) and I hope that this month I manage to write here more often.

This past week I have generally been doing better.  By that I mean that I have found myself being a little more positive and a lot more gentle with myself (or at least I am trying to).

Finding myself suddenly in December I feel disorientated - usually at this time of year I would be wrapping up in layers to walk to school/college/uni and anticipating the holiday time with my family.  This year is different.  I can't remember the last time I was out of the flat (I know it wasn't that cold) and, while I will be seeing my parents, I won't be spending Christmas with them.  Chris and I are planning on spending it together, just us two, as it is the first year we have been living together.

I want to say that I am looking forward to it, but honestly I don't know right now.  I am panicking that I don't have any Christmas presents ready - I am behind on the organising of cards and food and decorating (yes, I do tend to go into overdrive around the holidays).  So please excuse me while I go and stitch in the hopes of finishing at least one homemade present in time.

[This post was written 4th December.  I have, in fact, been out of the flat since then and am even starting to feel a little Christmassy.]