Fighting My Inner Monica

I am a big fan of the tv series ‘Friends’ and my favourite character is Monica (it used to be Pheobe but I guess I changed).  In some ways I want to be like her – I like that she is super organised, though I in no way am as tidy-compulsive as she is.  In fact, I’ve never really felt that I am that obsessive about how I live or how I appear to others.

This Christmas season I realised that that is complete rubbish.  I am quite an organised person usually, but when it comes to Christmas I always want to have the picture-card perfect holiday.  I want to give the best gifts; I want to bake every festive cake and cookie recipe I find; I want to decorate the flat perfectly.

This year I had planned on making everyone’s gifts.  I have had to let that go and am now only making little ones and Spud’s gifts (though Spud is going to get his late as I’ve only just started it!).  We haven’t decorated at all yet (the plan is to do it today) as I wanted to completely tidy the flat first.  I’ve had to relax this hope as there are still unpacked boxes and it’s just not realistic to empty them all and clean and put up the decorations before this weekend (when our parents are coming round).  I wanted to bake lots of different delights – so far I’ve baked one batch of gingerbread cupcakes.  I’m hoping that I’ll be able to bake gingerbread biscuits in the next few days and next week want to give the candy cane cakes a go (they have peppermint icing in red and white).

While I still wish I could have my ‘picture perfect’ Christmas, I have realised that forcing myself to try will cause me a lot of pain and exhaustion.  And when I can’t fulfil my hopes I would be crushed and my mood would ruin Christmas.  So I have decided to not worry quite as much and to try and enjoy the season.  It doesn’t really matter whether it’s ‘perfect’ or not, as spending time with my family and with Chris will make it perfect.  Besides, there’s always next year and the year after that and the year after that to keep improving until I become the best hostess (no, I’m not like Monica at all) and create the image in my mind (though I guarantee it still wouldn’t be great unless I have someone to share it with).