Waiting

Ever since I handed in my final piece of work for uni, I have been waiting.  To begin with I was waiting to get keys to our new place, then it was to move my stuff in.  Then it was to go back to my parents' to pack up my stuff.  Then it was waiting for the actual graduation.

And now there is nothing left to wait for.  Except I still feel like I'm waiting.  Like I'm waiting for my life to begin, waiting for it to start falling into place.  The problem with this of course is that if I just sit about and wait, nothing is going to happen. 

Even knowing this doesn't help.  Because I'm full of excuses.  I'm waiting for us to be completely unpacked (which at this rate maybe sometime next year!).  I'm waiting for the perfect idea.  And the biggie...I'm waiting for my health to improve.

This last one is the biggest hurdle for me.  I have plans, I have ideas, but I don't feel capable of putting the majority of them into practice as my M.E. is at a very low point (okay, I realise it's not as low as many people have to deal with - I can still get out of bed and onto the sofa most days - but it's almost the worst I've ever been, and certainly for the longest time yet).  I'm struggling to believe.  I don't know if I can believe in myself anymore.  And I don't know if I can believe in happy-ever-afters either (or at least, life without too much difficulty).  That is the true reason I have been avoiding this blog.

But, no more.  I am refusing to let this beat me.  I know it will take a lot of time and more effort than I'm sure I'm willing to give.  But I have decided - I am going to get my life back.  I don't know quite how yet.  But I know it starts with this blog.  I will be sharing my life with you and with it the responsiblity to have something to write about!  Now, don't panic - I'm not going to force my body to do things it's not ready for.  But I am planning on making an effort.  I know I might fail.  But I can't let that stop me.  (And please can I not use 'but' at the beginning of every sentence in future posts? - You know you were thinking it!)  Connection makes us strong, and blogging is one of the most connective activities I've ever taken part in.

Right, now I've written this long, hyped up post, I think I'll pop over to neopets to play a few games and relax!