For the past week I’ve been thinking how I need to write the typical end of year/new year post; but the truth is I didn’t know what I wanted to write. While I believe we can start again at any moment, I am not above being pulled into the hyper-awareness of past and future our society seems to perpetuate as the clock strikes from December to January.
This year hasn’t been great for me, in that other than writing plenty of letters, I haven’t achieved any of the goals I set at the beginning of 2015 – some of them I haven’t made any progress towards at all. It also hasn’t been a great year for me blogging-wise which you’ve noticed. After many attempts to get my book blog up and running, it has been left to melt from existence as this blog has for most of this year, which is a bit of a blow for me. And since going to Holland with the Scouts in August, I haven’t been able to find the stability in my life (both physically and mentally) I depend on to manage my health.
So far it seems all dreary, but it isn’t. The past few weeks seeing my friends and family for Christmas made me realize just how far I’ve come this year. I went abroad. I can sometimes go about shops etc using a walking stick instead of a wheelchair; I can go out more than twice most weeks; and just in general I am doing so much more than I was a year or two years ago and I need to remember to be thankful for that.
So with all those thoughts running through me, today I watched Cloud Atlas for the first time. I have read the book a few times and it is definitely one of my favourite books of all time. The film was a completely different experience and it left me feeling a great sense of calm but also hope for my future, for everyone’s future. It brought to mind how everything is connected in the past, the present, and the future. I’m not sure if I believe in fate, but I think that’s what I was feeling as I absorbed the film – that I can put my faith in fate and everything will turn out how it’s supposed to.
This is possibly one of the best things I could be feeling as we enter a new year. Not hope exactly, not excitement or panic or any of the multitudes of feelings we are told is what we will feel, but peace. So for tonight, and hopefully tomorrow and into the new year, that’s what I want to take with me and allow myself to radiate. Peace.