For the past week I’ve been thinking how I need to write the
typical end of year/new year post; but the truth is I didn’t know what I wanted
to write. While I believe we can start again at any moment, I am not above
being pulled into the hyper-awareness of past and future our society seems to
perpetuate as the clock strikes from December to January.
This year hasn’t been great for me, in that other than
writing plenty of letters, I haven’t achieved any of the goals I set at the
beginning of 2015 – some of them I haven’t made any progress towards at all. It
also hasn’t been a great year for me blogging-wise which you’ve noticed. After many
attempts to get my book blog up and running, it has been left to melt from
existence as this blog has for most of this year, which is a bit of a blow for
me. And since going to Holland with the
Scouts in August, I haven’t been able to find the stability in my life (both
physically and mentally) I depend on to manage my health.
So far it seems all dreary, but it isn’t. The past few weeks
seeing my friends and family for Christmas made me realize just how far I’ve
come this year. I went abroad. I can sometimes go about shops etc using a
walking stick instead of a wheelchair; I can go out more than twice most weeks; and just in general I am doing so much
more than I was a year or two years ago and I need to remember to be thankful
for that.
So with all those thoughts running through me, today I watched Cloud Atlas for the first time. I have read
the book a few times and it is definitely one of my favourite books of all
time. The film was a completely
different experience and it left me feeling a great sense of calm but also hope
for my future, for everyone’s future. It brought to mind how everything is
connected in the past, the present, and the future. I’m not sure if I believe
in fate, but I think that’s what I was feeling as I absorbed the film – that I
can put my faith in fate and everything will turn out how it’s supposed to.
This is possibly one of the best things I could be feeling
as we enter a new year. Not hope exactly, not excitement or panic or any of the
multitudes of feelings we are told is what we will feel, but peace. So for
tonight, and hopefully tomorrow and into the new year, that’s what I want to
take with me and allow myself to radiate. Peace.