Why is it that I can go from extremely happy and excited and hopeful about my life, to hating every second and every part of it in a few moments?
For the past few years my emotions have ruled me, and I have ‘happily’ clung to them as they were so far from the numbness I felt for most of my teen years. Lately I haven’t really had to worry about how I was feeling as it was all positive and therefore even more than I had hoped for given my circumstances. Today reminded me what it used to be like, switching from one extreme to the other with barely any provocation.
Sometimes I wonder why I still hold on to the emotions – what’s so bad about wanting to avoid feelings anyway? Admittedly I only ask this question when everything is out of whack in me; and from experience I know that it is better not to focus on those sorts of questions just because they pop up when I am in the throes of my hysterics. That doesn’t make it any easier to leave my questioning to a time when I am calm and rational. But I know I have to. So for now I’m just going to focus on breathing and getting to the next moment, before I allow myself to wallow in philosophical confusion.
I do need to ask though, is this just me or does anyone else experience what I can only imagine (and hope) are hormonal imbalances that screw with your perception of yourself and everyone and everything around you?