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Thursday, 26 June 2014

Ricocheting Emotions

Over the past few months I have become increasingly aware of my ricocheting emotions.  While my anti-depressants help me not want to burst into tears every few hours, it seems that all my other emotions only know the intense setting, and the worst thing is that most of the time they are set off by something completely mundane.  It makes it so much harder when I know I'm being unreasonably upset, angry or enthusiastic, especially if I am around others (as the last thing I want to do is take it out on the few people I actually get to see in real life).  The real challenge, though, is that I want to feel.

In the past I have experienced complete numbness, and when I started feeling again I vowed I'd always do my best to never go numb again.  But I'm beginning to wonder if the state I'm currently in - flicking between extremes of emotions that can change without any warning - is just as bad. I have gone from one extreme to the other, and as it's something that affects how I look after myself (if I'm upset all I want to do is eat crap for example), I think it's time I tried to find a middle ground. The only problem is that I have no idea where to start.

If you also suffer from hormonal-type emotion extremes I'd really appreciate any ideas on how you keep it together.  For me, the most important things are warning those I'm with if I suddenly feel upset or angry; and focusing on the fact that each emotion will pass, and while they are important, they are not the whole picture.

3 comments:

marigold said...

Hi Tamara, I'm sorry to hear that you are having such a rough time. Bearing in mind I have no medical qualifications - I wonder if it might be worth exploring taking a mood stabiliser rather than antidepressants? I know a couple of people with ME who have found that helpful (one has also been diagnosed with bipolar disorder). On the other hand, if you are sure that your mood swings are hormone-related then hormone treatment might be necessary. One of my friend had terrible PMS which was finally alleviated when she got a Mirena coil. I think it would probably be best for you to seek professional advice and not try to self-manage these symptoms.
For more general support the Expert Patient Programme might be helpful. I attended a course many years ago and found it very useful. I also met some nice people through it. http://www.beds.ac.uk/studentlife/student-support/health/healthycampus/partners/expertpatient

Hayley- Eszti said...

Hi Tamara, I sometimes experience the same thing. It was a lot worse a few months back but I still have my moments and my bad sleep and insomnia only make me more prone to sudden moodswings. When negativity is looming over me I listen to upbeat music, talk to spoonies online and generally try to take my mind off of the numbness. For me distraction is key, I try and remember it will pass and sometimes writing my emotions in a journal helps too xx Hayley

Tamara Epps said...

Thank you for your comments.

Hayley-Estzi - It's good to know I'm not alone. I also find writing a great outlet when I am struggling to take hold of my emotions, as well as simply trying to remember that they will pass (something I'm getting better at).

Marigold - I have spoken previously with my doctor about this and he believes that as the intense emotions are over so quickly it is neither due to my depression or hormones. Before I started taking my anti-depressants my control over my emotions was much worse and was causing severe panic attacks, as these have mostly disappeared (and when I do have them, they are greatly less severe than previously) I believe the medications I am on are the right ones for me. However, I will look into mood-stabilizers, thank you for the suggestion.