The other day I woke up and realised that I am a woman. This may sound like a stupid statement – after all, I have been classified as a woman since I was 18 (I think). But the truth is that I’ve always felt like a girl more than a woman. This doesn’t mean I wasn’t responsible or ‘grown-up’; I just referred to myself as a girl and felt that that encompassed part of who I was. Now it’s changing.
The weirdest part is it hasn’t brought any fear or worry or disappointment with it. I know I wasn’t alone when I knew I was an adult but didn’t feel like I really was; I have had many, many discussions with friends about it. If you don’t believe me you only have to watch shows like ‘Friends’ and ‘How I Met Your Mother’ to see that – the characters feel like they’re playing at being ‘grown-up’ and that is why people respond to them in my opinion. Being ‘grown-up’ is always portrayed as kind of scary and something to be avoided (thinking about it now only two instances of a character being happy with this change come to mind – Wendy from Peter Pan, and Buffy in series 7), and so, like I imagined everyone else was, I avoided the idea that I was anything but a girl.
Now I realise that I was a girl but now I’m a woman (though I’m sure I will have ‘girl’ moments for the rest of my life). Knowing this has caused a shift in my perception of myself and of the world. I’m still unsure what this shift is exactly as it’s only just begun to sprout, but I am looking forward to the journey of discovery (I believe that life in general is a journey and that we are never done changing, learning or discovering – one reason why I love blogging). I’m not scared with this knowledge; in fact, it has brought a kind of freedom in me, and no matter how much I change, I will always be me.
I guess that’s all I have to say on that right now. Do you feel like an adult? Or are you still wondering when/if you’ll ever be ‘grown-up’? I do not ask to judge or change you, I’m just curious and I am sure that you have a response.
Oh, and by the way, if you were wondering what brought this on (the catalyst so to speak), I think it was my nail varnish. I tried a different colour that I’ve had for quite a while but have always been scared of – a dark purple (it looked almost black in the bottle). It wasn’t anything like I was expecting and I have to say that it definitely isn’t my favourite colour but I’m glad it’s led to this new part of my life.