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Thursday, 3 May 2012

My Biggest Regret

I don't have a whole lot of regrets in my life.  A few years ago that would have been a totally different statement, but someone came into my life and made me realise that I can't change the past so it's not worth worrying about.  He was right and since then I have let many things go and honestly  I feel the better for it. 

However, lately I have been regretting something quite strongly.  I can't take it back but I still wish I had done it differently.  Months (and months and months) ago, I started dropping hints here about my secret project, the business I was going to start.  As you all know, it is still in the works (I honestly didn't realise how long it would take me to get from idea to selling the idea).

My plans haven't changed (though they have grown) and I am still working very slowly towards my goals.  But I have found that the pressure I created for myself by telling you has actually worked against me.  I feel kind of stupid for telling the world my plans long before they would come to fruition.  I feel that I am letting you down by not having something to show for the past year of my life.  And at times I have wondered if perhaps I am all talk.

But I have decided that, while I can't change the past, I can change the future.  I can stop using my precious energy worrying about what everyone thinks of me and start reminding myself of how capable I am.  I set myself a challenge.  I didn't realise how big of a challenge it was going to be.  But I am determined not to back down - this is something I want and something I believe I can do. 

I have, however, learnt my lesson - so I will no longer be telling you of things to come that aren't ready.  I don't want to feel that I am not keeping my promise to you by not being able to deliver immediately.  You are so important to me and I thank you so much for following my journey here.

5 comments:

Chelle said...

Dreams don't have an expiration date and nobody is thinking badly of you because you haven't finished yet!

Ila East said...

Sometimes you feel like you have jinxed something when you tell it too soon. Probably not, but you worry about it anyway. For our own peace of mind, we sometimes have to keep things "secret" until time to make the big reveal.. I've been through this many a time. Finally learned.

Tamara Epps said...

Chelle - thank you so much for the vote of confidence, I think I definitely needed reminding that dreams don't have an expiration date.

And Ila - that's exactly how I feel. From now on I'm going to try and wait until I'm more prepared before sharing secrets though I know it will be difficult as I love sharing my thoughts and ideas and plans on my blog.

KipperCat said...

Hi Tamara,

Living with M.E., it's all too easy to underestimate the difficulty of small tasks, let alone large multi-dimensional ones. I'm glad you've decided to not waste energy worrying! When you're ready to publicly birth your dream, we'll be hear to read about it and cheer you on.

Liz

Tanya said...

"I can stop using my precious energy worrying about what everyone thinks of me and start reminding myself of how capable I am"

Wise words, lovely. It's bloody difficult to do and something I struggle with it every day but I'm convinced it's the right way to be. It's easy to lose sight of all your amazingness when you constantly worry that other people see you as less-then or that you're letting them down.

So glad I found your blog x