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Wednesday, 27 October 2010

Missed Opportunities & Hope

As most of you probably aren't aware, as of the 1st November M.E./C.F.S. sufferers will no longer be able to donate blood (BBC Coverage).  I'm not entirely sure what I make of this change in regulations.  I know I should be happy that at last it seems M.E. is being treated as something other than a psychological disorder.  But on the other hand, it is just one more thing that M.E. has taken away from me.

I've always assumed I'd give blood at some point.  Okay, I know I have been completely eligible for the past 4 years, and have yet to actually go and do it, but it's always been in my mind.  And now it is just another opportunity missed; something else I don't get to do.  And so I feel bitter - but there is nowhere for this bitterness to go and it leaves me with a bad taste in my mouth.  And there is nothing I can do about it.  I become trapped in my own annoyance at M.E. and myself (for taking it out on people who really have nothing to do with it).

Of course, it isn't just that I now can't give blood, many things in my life are leaving me with a bad taste in my mouth.  And all I can do is hope that it will get better.  I know I can survive it (and I credit a lot of that to my boyfriend, family and friends).  But I want to do more than just survive.  I want to live, and enjoy life.  So I hope and believe, because there is nothing else I can do.

(Sorry if this post seemed to have turned into a depressive rant - I tried my best not to let it be - but it's how I'm feeling at the moment and it's effecting everything in my life, including this blog).

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