As most of you probably aren't aware, as of the 1st November M.E./C.F.S. sufferers will no longer be able to donate blood (BBC Coverage). I'm not entirely sure what I make of this change in regulations. I know I should be happy that at last it seems M.E. is being treated as something other than a psychological disorder. But on the other hand, it is just one more thing that M.E. has taken away from me.
I've always assumed I'd give blood at some point. Okay, I know I have been completely eligible for the past 4 years, and have yet to actually go and do it, but it's always been in my mind. And now it is just another opportunity missed; something else I don't get to do. And so I feel bitter - but there is nowhere for this bitterness to go and it leaves me with a bad taste in my mouth. And there is nothing I can do about it. I become trapped in my own annoyance at M.E. and myself (for taking it out on people who really have nothing to do with it).
Of course, it isn't just that I now can't give blood, many things in my life are leaving me with a bad taste in my mouth. And all I can do is hope that it will get better. I know I can survive it (and I credit a lot of that to my boyfriend, family and friends). But I want to do more than just survive. I want to live, and enjoy life. So I hope and believe, because there is nothing else I can do.
(Sorry if this post seemed to have turned into a depressive rant - I tried my best not to let it be - but it's how I'm feeling at the moment and it's effecting everything in my life, including this blog).